


The Art of Self-Sacrifice

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Crushing, Death Eaters, Exhibitionism, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Ghosts, Gryffindor Seungkwan, Hand Jobs, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Romance, Slytherin Vernon, Smut, Thestrals, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter), Yule Ball (Harry Potter), lots of cuddling and verkwan being cuties but also very dumb, spoiler!!! death eater vernon, this takes place during and after the second war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27254584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Seokmin decides it was time for Seungkwan to participate in the annual Christmas ball. The only problem? Seungkwan doesn't have a date yet. While Seungkwan tries his best to seduce Vernon, the handsome but aloof Slytherin seeker, war breaks out in the Wizarding World. Rumors of Lord Vodemort's second rise to power spread like wildfire.Although Seungkwan withdraws more and more, he ultimately has to face what he's most afraid of, and learns that he's not the only one keeping secrets. Meanwhile, Vernon tries his best to keep the boy safe from any harm.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Comments: 18
Kudos: 65





	1. December 1995

"This is stupid," Seungkwan moaned. 

“Most wizarding traditions usually are,” Seokmin agreed. The Gryffindor tapped his wand against a passage in the book. “The Yule Ball is all about showing off the best students and making sure that everybody in Hogwarts knows that Slytherin isn’t the best house. Especially the foreigners.”

“Sounds plausible,” Seungkwan muttered, half-pouting, half-frowning. Students of Wizarding schools from all over the world would be participating. “But why the dancing? Are you sure it’s even necessary? After all, they came here to fight not to dance.”

Seokmin’d been banging on about Seungkwan participating in the traditional Christmas ball for months. All students had to dance, and, if you were an excellent students and lucky, you could be crowned as the ball's king or queen. It was only because Seungkwan’s easy for Christmas food that he was even entertaining the idea now.

“Yeah, it says it right here,” Seokmin confirmed, pointing at a specific part of the passage. Seungkwan leaned forward, inspecting the page carefully. It said something about the Triwizard Tournament, and that the ball was thrown as a kind of celebration for this event. 

“Well, then I’m not doing it,” Seungkwan concluded, pushing the book across the table, as far away from him as possible. 

Seokmin gave Seungkwan a disapproving look. “Are you for real now? You’re the best student Gryffindor has- probably even the best in Hogwarts– and you don’t even want to give it a try because you would have to wiggle your butt on the dance floor for a few minutes?”

“No, that’s totally not it. It’s because...” Seungkwan racked his brain for a better excuse, drawing a blank. “I don’t want to.”

“Well, then.” Seokmin looked satisfied. The iris of his eyes shifted from pale blue to a halfway green the color of warmer coastal waters.

“Then you won’t mind if I tell Hosh and Cheol that you’re just not in the mood for competition. I mean, of course they will raise questions and suspect that you’re scared of losing against them, you know how people like to make assumptions about these things, but-”

“Fine.” When Seokmin put it like that, it’s difficult to say no. “It would be a heck of a lot easier if I had someone to dance with though.”

“I think you should ask Vernon.”

“What?” Seungkwan almost fell out of his chair. The quiet Slytherin guy who always hovered over others with his know-it-all smirk and amazing, otherworldly looks? No thanks. “Vernon’s a knob.”

“He’s also your biggest competition. Not to mention one of the only people we know that’s still in need of a partner. Like you,” Seokmin pointed out, helpfully.

Seungkwan chirped a disproving brow. “How is that dude my biggest competition?”

“Well, he’s the best keeper Slytherin had in ages, he gets decent grades, teachers love him, _students_ love him-”

“This makes it sound like you _love_ him,” Seungkwan retorted, sitting back in his chair.

“You know I’m right, Boo.”

“And you know I like to be difficult.” Seungkwan glanced back at the book that was now resting on the other side of the table. Well, he _could_ ask Vernon. “Do you think Vernon would agree to it though?”

Seokmin poured them both steaming mugs of mulled wine, considering Seungkwan’s question. “Well, probably not.”

Seokmin was right. They never talked, never even exchanged more than a glance. Vernon would probably break out in laughter if Seungkwan were to ask him.

“This means it’s time for me to give up.” Seungkwan took a sip of his mulled wine, oddly unhappy with this statement. Did he… actually want to go to the ball?

“Not necessarily.”

Seungkwan shot Seokmin a curious glance. “What are you thinking about?”

Seokmin hid his smile behind his mulled wine. “Well, there’s a particularly interesting love spell on page 32.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Seungkwan stared at Seokmin. “That’s like, highkey forbidden.”

“Maybe.” Seokmin shrugged. “Didn’t think that would stop you.”

“No, Seokmin. I won’t freaking abuse magic to get Mr. Oh-so-perfect-Vernon-Chwe to ask me for a dance at the Christmas ball. I haven’t sunken that low yet.”

Seokmin pulled a face. “Alright. If you’re against using magic, you’ll have to use your natural charm.”

Seungkwan made an irritated sound. “Are you suggesting what I think you are?”

“He’s not that bad.” Seokmin shrugged. “I think he’s rather attractive. Don’t you?”

Seungkwan agreed but he had an issue with Vernon being way too aware of that fact. “No chance.”

Seokmin looked as though he didn’t quite believe Seungkwan. “I’m sure I remember you saying once that it was one of the most annoying things about him.”

“I must have been pissed,” Seungkwan muttered. He glanced at an ornate invitation which shimmered at him from the top of a hurriedly opened stack of mail. He waved it at his best friend, sneezing when it sent a waft of perfumed glitter into the air.

“Okay, let’s agree on this: I will sign up for the ball if, and _only_ if, Vernon Chwe agrees on going with me.”

Seokmin brought up his hands. “Alright, alright. It’s a deal. But promise me you will try to be sweet?”

Seungkwan glared at his best friend. “I am _always_ sweet.”

And he really was. Seungkwan was one of the most popular Gryffindors: among the Hufflepuffs, he was known as the boy who always hung out in the kitchen, teaching the house-elves his mother's most beloved recipes; Ravenclaws knew him as the dork who always snapped his fingers in class and knew all the answers to the most difficult questions; his fellow Gryffindors could count on him to lift the mood and crack the funniest jokes.

Just the Slytherin's– well, they couldn't smell him, to put it lightly. They claimed Seungkwan was a know-it-all, a class clown, a blabbering idiot who took up too much space and should be pushed back into a corner. And Seungkwan had never been one to simply shut up. Of course, he would fight back against stupid Slytherin bullies. 

The Yule Ball would be an amazing opportunity to show off his immaculate qualities, Seungkwan knew that. Everyone would be invited, even students and professors from all over the Wizarding World, and in case he'd be elected for Ball King– well, that would be a huge honor. And to be quite frank, he could just go with a friend, or anyone really– since he was popular it shouldn't be very difficult for him to find a dancing partner. Still.

Seokmin knew him too well. He was his best friend after all. Seungkwan'd met him in his first year at Hogwarts, and Seokmin had been witness of his never-ending stories about the kind Slytherin boy who cheered him up– it was a cute story, really. Seungkwan was a perfectionist, obviously, and when he lost 10 points for Gryffindor during his first Transmigration class, he didn't take it well. At all. 

His friends were mad, Professor McGonagall was mad, all because he messed up and accidentally destroyed her spun-glass ball (a Valentine's present of Hagrid, Seungkwan found out later). Vernon walked in on him while Seungkwan was crying out his eyes on the toilet. And he didn't just ignore it, but instead, he had knocked on Seungkwan's stall door, listened to him sob and rant, and then said some really sweet things – about how Seungkwan's friends still loved him and that he was a great student and could probably earn the points back.

Since then Seungkwan had a sweet spot for that boy, and Seokmin knew that. No matter how much Seungkwan would rant about the guy, insult him, throw all kinds of words at the guy's head (just gossiping though, Seungkwan wasn't capable of actually approaching the guy in real life), Seokmin still remembered the soft look on Seungkwan's face when he first had told the bathroom story (and the 100th time). 

So yes, Seungkwan didn't just want to go to the Yule Ball with anyone. He wanted to go with Mr. too-handsome-and-aloof-to-talk-to-anybody. Not once, Seungkwan had seen the guy raise his hands in class either. He seemed to have one silver-haired friend though (yes, Seungkwan was guilty of _mild_ –stalking) next to whom he sat in class. Joshua Hong was his name, and he was just as shy and introverted as Vernon. At last he seemed that way when Seungkwan'd 'accidentally' ran into him one day.

To sum up, Seungkwan had a dumb crush on a dumb guy since his first year. And yes, he had no plans to ever do anything about it. Because Slytherin's hated him and he hated Slytherins. And because Vernon was really intimidating and made Seungkwan's head all mushy and stupid. He had to protect and nurture the last few braincells that he could still call his own.

"Why did you end up in Gryffindor," he asked Seokmin that day in class. Normally he'd pay more attention to the teacher, but it was History of Magic and 'common, who wouldn't rather think and talk about their crush instead of discussing how and why the Self-Stirring Cauldron was invented in 1991. Besides, Professor Binns was very old and boring, and his lessons consisted of him reciting (or " _droning_ ", as many would put it) lectures to his students. 

"What do you mean?" Seokmin looked up, momentarily pausing his doodling. "The hat assigned me like he does with everyone else."

"Yeah, obviously." Seungkwan rolled his eyes. "But why Gryffindor? Did the hat say anything to you?"

Seokmin placed his pencil next to his artwork. "Well, he asked me which house I want to choose, and I said Gryffindor. Then we argued for a bit because he thought I'd fit in better with the Hufflepuffs. That's about it. Why are you asking?"

"I see." Seungkwan chewed on his lower lip, thinking. "You certainly are really loyal and kind. But what if you had said Slytherin?"

Seokmin wheezed. "I'd be dumber than a piece of bread."

"But do you think that would be possible?" Seungkwan continued. "For the hat to put you in a house that doesn't fit you at all."

Seokmin furred his brows. He looked at Seungkwan for a moment, trying to figure something out. "I don't know, man." He shrugged. "Maybe. But why would anyone be deluded enough to choose a house that is _that_ unfitting." 

"Don't ask me. I was just. . . wondering." Seungkwan looked to the side, playing around with Seokmin's pencil. He started doodling on his own paper, drawing a tiger which he proudly named Hoshi and wrote Horangae next to it. 

"You know, he could still be a nice guy."

Seungkwan froze. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hm, sure." Seokmin eyed him up. "I'm just saying, being a Slytherin doesn't mean he's not friendly. Even villains have their charms."

Seungkwan shot his friend an angry glance. "Yes, but I won't be going out with a god damn villain. I'm a cutie pie and I deserve someone brave and strong by my side."

Seokmin snorted, and Seungkwan pushed him so hard his friend almost fell out of his seat. A glance to the board assured Seungkwan Professor Binns was still deeply absorbed in his lengthy speech. 

"Don't be a chicken, Boo."

"I'm not a chicken." Seungkwan elbowed his friend in the sides, this time a bit less hard. "I'm a king and you're my peasant, idiot." 

Seokmin giggled. "A king wouldn't be scared of asking Vernon- Outch!"

"I told you to not say his name in class," Seungkwan hissed, his thumb pulling lightly on Seokmin's right ear. "People can hear us."

"You're so paranoid," Seokmin whined. "Let me go, will you? I'll do your History homework."

Seungkwan grinned. He freed Seokmin of his grip, feeling the rush of his triumph. "And just to make this very clear, I am not a chicken. I will ask him."

"Ah?" Seokmin raised a brow. "You changed your mind?"

"No, I always intended to ask him. And now concentrate on what Binn's saying and stop annoying me, Picasso." 

Seokmin chuckled. "Sure, sure." 

* * *

In the early morning chill, Seungkwan jogged across the Quidditch training grounds as fast as his ungainly seventeen-year-old frame would allow. He caught his shoe on a cobblestone and fell headlong onto the grass.

“Are you okay, boy?” Madam Hooch asked, her silver eyebrows rising high above yellow eyes. She was in her early forties, wearing thick wool pants and a thin shirt that left lean, muscled arms uncovered despite the cold morning.

“Ow, ow.” Seungkwan looked at his skinned palms. His knees were burning too. “No, no I’m not.” The laughter that came from above his head didn’t help either.

“Good, good, because—ah, here. Tell me, are these the same?” Madam Hooch put out both of her hands, presenting two golden snitches to Seungkwan’s eyes.

“This one’s a bit brighter. Can I, uh, talk to you, Madam?”

Madam Hooch let out an annoyed groan. “Foolery! The production of these things get worse and worse with each year. Wait, what’s wrong, Boo?“

“Madam, ah… I wanted to ask if I might join the practice today?” 

Madam Hooch started to say something, then saw that Seungkwan was serious. She said nothing for a moment, then her whole demeanor changed. “Boo, I don’t think that it would possible for you to…”

“No, no!” Seungkwan laughed, shaking his head. “Not like that. Just on the sides. As the audience, so to speak.”

Madam Hooch rubbed her upper lip with thumb and forefinger, like a man would smooth his mustache. “You want to watch the boys practice? Sure, go ahead.” She nodded towards the stands. “Take a seat.”

And Seungkwan did as told. He climbed the stairs to the best seat of the stands. As always, he noticed Vernon first. Of course, it was impossible not to stand out with those eyes.

“So this is the guy I need to seduce,” Seungkwan muttered to himself. A god-damn Slytherin.

Vernon was tall, with a naturally lean but muscular figure. His golden hair was long and framed his face. Like the other boys on their brooms, Vernon was wearing the Slytherin uniform: fine black trousers and a green blouse, cut for the training and plain.

Unlike the other boys, Vernon was amazing on the broom. He was fast and in control, eyes seemingly never losing sight of the snitch. His expression, as usual, was a cipher.

“Okay, Boo Seungkwan,” Seungkwan began prep talking himself. “You know what Seokmin said, just be nice to him. Act like you’re a fan and you give a screw about this stupid game. You can do it.”

As he was watching Vernon play, Seungkwan even forced a (pretty convincing, thank you very much) smile. When Vernon caught the snitch, Seungkwan attempted to break out into applause.

It probably looked awkward so he stopped himself from actually screaming out Vernon’s name- that, Seungkwan concluded, would just be over the top. Instead, he just clapped his small hands together and jumped up and down (hopefully enthusiastically enough to be convincing).

Once the Syltherins finished their practice and Madam Hooch called them to the ground, Seungkwan arose from his seat. Heavy-lidded, he watched Vernon’s feet reach the grounds and attempted to hurry his feet. He felt very tired; very cold; half asleep. Vernon on the other hand seemed to have the best day of his life: his cheeks and lips had taken on a sweet rosy color and his eyes shone with pride and thrill. Life just wasn’t fair.

Seungkwan’s heart began pumping his blood through his vessels once more when he noticed that Vernon was moving away from the group of loudly chatting players. If he wanted to have a chat, Seungkwan ought to run to catch up with him.

“Vernon!” Seungkwan called out. “Hey! Yeah, you with the long legs. Wait!”

Vernon turned, seemingly startled. Upon making out Seungkwan’s small but feisty body dragging itself across the huge Quidditch field, he stopped.

Seungkwan waved. “Vernon, right?” He was now close enough to make out the quizzical look on the Slytherin’s face.

“Uh, yeah,” Vernon said, wiping a lock of hair from his sweaty forehead. He looked like he didn’t quite know how to react.

Seungkwan beamed at him, trying to come up with something he could say. ‘What did your parents feed you for you to grow up so tall?’, ‘What hair conditioner do you use, if you mind asking?’, ‘Is it true that you have more than 32 teeth?’, ‘WOULD YOU MIND GOING TO THE BALL WITH ME?’– All of these options seemed inappropriate.

The Slytherin stared at him. Seungkwan could swear the guy hasn’t blinked once since they started talking. Not even once.

“Alright.” Vernon turned towards the exit that led to the main Hogwarts building. Normally Seungkwan would have been a bit offended at that, after all he didn’t like being ignored. But Vernon seemed so socially awkward, Seungkwan couldn’t help but find the boy cute.

He fell in step beside Vernon. “So,” he said. “I was watching you earlier.”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

Seungkwan licked dry lips, as if a little lubrication would help him force sweet words out. “You’re... like, uh, really good on the broom.”

Vernon’s eyes lit up. “Ah, thanks.” He gave Seungkwan a questioning glance.

“I’m a big Quidditch fan, actually.” Seungkwan cleared his throat. “I watch like _all_ the games.”

“Okay.” Vernon laughed. He really had a pleasant laugh. “You’re a new Gryffindor player…?”

Seungkwan shook his head. “No, no. I just-, uhm, no. I just couldn’t.”

Vernon’s eyebrows shot up. His shoulders seemed to relax in an instant. “Yeah, I saw you trip earlier.” He gave a nod towards the stands, which were already far behind them, so far that Seungkwan couldn't see a single seat even if he tried to squint his eyes.

Seungkwan felt his cheeks heat up. It was difficult not to respond to this clear provokation. But Seungkwan reminded himself of his mission: make the boy like him. He bit his tongue.

Vernon seemed to interpret his silence as embarrassment. “Uhm, but it’s cool that you came to support us. I didn’t expect that from a Gryffindor, not that you’re like-uh, but, yeah. It’s just surprising.”

Seungkwan smirked. “Well, I am full of surprises.”

Vernon raised a brow, slowly, seemingly still trying to figure out Seungkwan’s intentions. Thankfully, he didn’t appear to be the type of guy who would search for direct confrontation, hell, he didn’t even seem like he could hold a conversation for longer than five minutes.

Seungkwan streched out his palm. “By the way, I’m Seungkwan. Boo Seungkwan.”

“Ah.” Vernon cleared his throat. He took Seungkwan’s hand and squeezed it lightly. His hands were cold and a bit sweaty. The touch felt oddly intimate. “I know.”

“Oh.” Seungkwan hadn’t expected almighty Vernon Chwe to know of him. Maybe recognize his face in a crowd, yes, but know his name? No way. “You do?”

“You sit in the second row in Transfiguration, right? Bro, McGonagall, like, loves you.”

 _Of course she does, bro. I’m amazing._ God help him, Seungkwan almost said it out loud. “Ah, yeah. I really get along with her cat. That’s the true secret to McGonagall’s heart.”

“Just… be nice to her cat? That easy?”

“Pretty much,” Seungkwan shrugged. They were approaching the main building and Seungkwan could make out Seokmin (the boy was an obvious bundle of nerves today, jumping from one feet to the other, animatedly chattering with Hosh), and a bunch of Ravenclaws and Slytherins. None of them were familiar to Seungkwan.

Seungkwan shot Vernon a nervous glance. The boy might have warm eyes and a shy smile that made you believe he wasn’t that bad at all but Vernon wore his Slytherin robe just as proudly as any other. Seungkwan was sure the boy wouldn’t want to be seen making friendly banter with a Gryffindor.

“Uh, do you have classes now?” he asked. His mind was racing. He still hadn’t made Vernon fall in love with him and his time was ticking.

“Nope.” Vernon shrugged, and shyly played with the seam of his blouse. “But I should probably take a shower soon.”

Seungkwan, not really listening, grabbed Vernon’s arm and dragged the boy towards the right. He pushed Vernon against the closest tree he could find, positioning himself so that the group of chattering students couldn’t see them even if they tried. Ideal.

What wasn’t ideal was the distance. Seungkwan hadn’t paid much attention to the force he was putting into getting Vernon to move where he wanted him to, and this resulted in Vernon almost falling all over Seungkwan.

“Hey,” Vernon said, and trying to find his balance, clumsily held on to Seungkwan’s waist. “Be careful!”

Seungkwan forced his face to remain blank even as his heart began to beat double time and his pulse pounded in his ears. “S-sorry,” he snapped. Instinctively, he made a small step forward, leaning into the touch. His eyes focused on the boy in front of him, noticing the tiny freckles on Vernon’s nose.

“Are you alright?”

Vernon’s eyelashes were really long. Long and pretty.

“Seungkwan?”

“Uh, yeah?” Seungkwan made a step back. “Totally fine.”

“Okay.” Vernon frowned down at him. “Are you trying to sabotage our next game?”

Huh. Seungkwan didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

“Making me hurt my ankle or something so I can’t play?” Vernon scoffed. “I’ve seen it all, Seungkwan. You’re not the first to try.”

“No, wait!” Seungkwan held Vernon at his place. Everything was going awfully wrong. “I’m not trying to hurt you, I promise.”

Vernon didn’t seem convinced. “I mean, why would I even do that?” Seungkwan hurried. “I have no reason to–”

“You said you love Quidditch, didn’t you?” Vernon gave him a challenging look. “You guys are our rivals. Whenever we win, you guys throw a pity party.”

“Well–” Seungkwan scrunched his face. He couldn’t admit that he was lying about being a Quidditch fan because it would blow his cover but he couldn’t deny that his house mate had acted immaturely in the past either.

Vernon didn’t wait for Seungkwan to come up with something. Before Seungkwan could react, the Slytherin had slid away.

“Where are you going?” Seungkwan called after him, not fully ready to give up yet.

Vernon threw him a last glance. “To take a shower, like I said.” With that, he was gone, swallowed by an entrance that would surely lead him to the Slytherin dorms.

* * *

“You know, this would be much easier if you’d let me just do it on my own,” Seokmin said to Seungkwan.

He and his best friend sat on a table in the Slytherin Dungeon, a place which Seungkwan would have preferably never put a foot in. The green tinge of the room’s lightning drove him crazy. Unfortunately, Professor Snape was a weird man who seemed to enjoy the sculls, weird objects and dead animals that hung on the walls.

Seungkwan flipped a page in his potion book. “But here it says, we need to–”

“Put the almonds after we let it sit for 10 minutes. I know, Seungkwan.” Seokmin lazily waved his hand through the air. “You have no idea how to do this.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you could read,” Seungkwan said with a mock gasp. Seokmin always got straight A’s in potions, and so Seungkwan knew he should have a little faith in his friend, but still. “I need to pass this class or mum will freak out on me. And you know how Snape is. Did you even prepare cauldrons? You know we have to brew everything thoroughly and–”

Seokmin sat up and put his hands on Seungkwan’s shoulders, fixing Seungkwan with his jade-green eyes. Seungkwan was long used to his best friend’s flirty smiles whenever Seokmin wanted a rise out of him, his puppy-dog pout when he wanted a favor, but his expression of earnest desire was a weapon he didn’t pull out often.

“Spill it,” Seokmin said. “What’s bothering you?”

“Vernon thinks I am trying to sabotage the next Quidditch match,” he said quietly. “I totally messed it up.”

Seokmin nearly choked on his surprise. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Seungkwan shot his best friend a death glare. “I swear if you tell Hoshi, I will kick your balls.”

“Alright, alright. No need to freak out on me.” Seokmin turned to chop up some herbs. Their bitter smell caused Seungkwan to pull a grimace. The redness faded from his ears as quickly as it had come.

“You know that Vernon is sitting mere feet from us, do you?”

Seungkwan startled and fought against the will to turn in his seat. Okay, he hadn’t completely forgotten the Slytherin’s presence but it wasn’t like he could just stand up and go to Vernon and make up.

“What do you suggest?” Seungkwan asked. 

Seokmin looked up briefly. His green eyes lingered on something behind Seungkwan for mere seconds.

“Stop it!” Seungkwan hissed.

“What? Afraid he might notice.” Seokmin turned back to his cutting board. The corner of his lips were slightly raised, a sight that got Seungkwan’s blood boiling.

“He’s still a stupid Slytherin, okay? I don’t need him boasting about getting a Gryffindor all flustered and heart-eyed for him.”

Seokmin rolled his eyes. Leaned over, whispering in a low voice, “Turn. Around. Smile.”

Seungkwan gulped. “Fine,” he muttered. He could do this. Vernon was just some random Slytherin, and he just had to look at him and smile. Easy as pie.

Seungkwan tried to glance at Vernon without making it obvious. The Slytherin was sitting a few tables away from Snape’s desk, peering at his classmate who seemed to know how to brew a splendid hiccoughing solution. The sight made Seungkwan’s breath come to a standstill at the very time he needed it flowing.

Vernon seemed to notice as he looked up, his eyes searching the crowd for something until he found it. Their gazes locked and Seungkwan felt something that he had felt before, the day when he had approached Vernon after his practice. It was intense, warm and made it so much easier to smile at the Slytherin.

Vernon raised a brow, slowly. Judging, weighing.

Seungkwan waved his hand in greeting. Hoped, he didn’t come off as a creep. To his surprise, Vernon waved back. Almost smiled back.

“Students,” Snape’s cold voice rang through the air and startled them both. Seungkwan turned and ducked his head over the cauldron, pretending he was busy with watching the different ingredients mix and bubble in the pot.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Seokmin wiggling his eyebrows. Ignoring Snape’s latest rant, Seungkwan whispered across the table, “Are you happy now?”

“Very much so.” Seokmin grinned. “I didn’t see what you were doing but I’m certain it worked. He stared at you like he got lost in your eyes, or something.”

“Shut up,” Seungkwan whispered, wishing he could give his best friend a slap on the head. To his demise, Snape was approaching the table next to them.

Seungkwan tried to shake the fuzz out of his head. Vernon’s eyes had been so pretty to look at, they had totally messed him up. His belly felt very confused and he had this warm feeling in his chest, like he was going to explode if he wouldn’t go over and what? Seungkwan tamped the feeling down, not wanting to confront what it meant right now.

* * *

Dinner was unpleasant. Seungkwan had to fight his way through a group of gossiping Slytherins, some of which had caught him being ‘weird around their best Quidditch asset’.

When Seungkwan finally made it to the Gryffindor table, his mood had become faul. Seokmin looked up and grinned when he saw his friend.

“I’ve been harrassed,” Seungkwan said, preempting Seokmin’s question. He slid his way over to his best friend through the crowded space and took a seat. “Have a bit of empathy, will you?”

“Always,” Seokmin confirmed with a mouth full of what looked like fried chicken.

“Ew, get your disgusting mouth away from me.”

Seokmin didn’t seem to hear him but Seungkwan’s stomach drew attention to more primal needs. Filling his plate, Seungkwan was too distracted to notice a little puff of flour fly up and hit him in the forehead.

White dust clouded his vision. Seungkwan squinted at Hoshi, who wasn’t trying to hide the second shot that spun around above his palm. “It wasn’t me,” he said. “I swear on my honor.”

Seokmin snickered and grabbed the flour bead out of the air. It burst between his fingers. “Quit it before Snape throws us out of here.“

Hoshi rolled his eyes. “Bah. I’ve never seen someone so averse to fun since old Argus ‘No-Fruit Pies’ Flinch.” He flicked another blob of flour at Seokmin, and Seokmin failed to flinch out of the way.

“I know how to have fun!” Seokmin said indignantly as he wiped his nose with the back of his wrist.

Hoshi made a face like he’d swigged pure lemon juice and went on to mock Seokmin. Seungkwan rolled his eyes as he shoveled another spoon of warm food into his mouth. He didn’t feel like joining his friends in a heated but nonetheless very entertaining debate. Something else was on his mind.

For a moment, Seungkwan let his gaze wander over the crowd of students. All his eyes wanted to see was a certain kind of green though, a radiant green —the exact shade of Vernon’s robes. He looked over. There was a bottle of juice in Vernon’s hands. Seungkwan watched as Vernon took a long sip, wiping his mouth clean with his fingers afterwards. His lips were thin, Seungkwan noticed. Thin and dry. It looked like he had a bad habit of biting on his lower lip too. Still, Seungkwan couldn’t look away.

Seokmin cracked his knuckles, bringing back Seungkwan’s attention to the table.

“You eat like a horse, dude,” Hoshi cackled from the side.

“And your face is covered in sauce!” Seokmin snickered.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Hoshi argued and threw a piece of rice in Seokmin's way.

When Seungkwan looked back to the Slytherin table, Vernon was gone.

"Looking for someone?" Hoshi grinned, wiggling his blonde eyebrows at Seungkwan. 

"Shut the fuck up, you hear me!" Seungkwan hissed, so ready to throw a piece of chicken at his friend's gleaming face. 

"Hey, calm down. I was just curious." Hoshi nudged Seokmin in the sides. "You're keeping secrets from me?"

"He's looking for the one that must not be mentioned." 

Hoshi's face was blank. "Seungkwan is dating Voldemord?"

"No, you idiot," Seokmin wheezed. He was about to say more, his mouth already half-opened, but Seungkwan was faster. "Don't you dare say his name!"

Seokmin held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. I said nothing. I'm innocent."

Hoshi's eyes went from Seokmin to Seungkwan and back to Seokmin. "So this is about Vernon then."

Seungkwan shot up form his seat, hands grasping for Hoshi's throat. He'd strangle that fool, may the lord help him. 

"Hey, hey, stop! Stop!" Hoshi wiggled away, half-giggling, half-crying. "I'll shut up, I'LL SHUT UP! I promise."

Seungkwan fell back into his seat with a loud thud. His red sweater was a battlefield: sauce and pieces of chicken clung to it. His black hair was standing up to all sides– his face was red and full of life. If his friends dared to say one more thing, he was sure he'd explode.

"I haven't asked him yet," he said through clenched teeth. 

Hoshi took a big bite from his dinner. He chewed a bit, then presented Seungkwan with the sight of whatever was left in his mouth as he spoke, "Don't be scared, Kwannie. He's just a guy after all. If he says no then whatever. Who cares?" He jugged down what seemed to be half a liter of Coca Cola.

Seungkwan watched his fearless friend and wondered if the hat might have made a mistake when assigning him to Gryffindor. How could he be so scared and insecure? 

He had to finally do it.

* * *

A week later, Seungkwan walked along The Black Lake, which was located to the south of Hogwarts Castle, wobbling over pavestone-sized rocks that had once been underwater, until he found Vernon sitting under a gnarled tree. Half its roots had been washed clean in some long-ago flash flood, while the rest clung tightly to the bank. The tree’s efforts were in vain. It was dying.

Vernon’s eyes were closed in meditation. “You’re very loud,” he stated.

Seungkwan frowned. “Pardon? To my knowledge, this is a public place. I can go and do whatever I want.”

Vernon opened one eye a crack. “I never said otherwise. Although Umbridge might have a different idea.”

"Ah, I don't give a flying fuck about the Ministry Lady."

Vernon chuckled. "And what are you going to do if she finds out you're walking around at night and throws you out?"

"She won't. Ministry people are too afraid to set a foot outside as soon as the sun sets." Seungkwan rolled his eyes, imitating Umbridge's annoying tone of voice, "Monsters, creatures of the woods, misbehaving children– oh no, what could attack me today!"

Vernon stared at him, seemingly fascinated. He didn't get a response to Seungkwan's heartfelt performance though, which left Seungkwan feeling a bit awkward. “Well,” he muttered, folding his hands in front of his chest. He couldn’t quite read the Slytherin. Was he annoyed? Bored? Intrigued?

“What are you meditating for anyway? Isn’t that a hobby for an elderly wise man?”

Vernon shrugged. “My friend Minghao recommended it to me. I like trying out new things.” He opened both of his eyes now, casting a curious glance at Seungkwan. “And what are you doing here?”

A breeze in the evening air puckered Seungkwan’s skin. “I enjoy taking walks, that’s all.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah.” Seungkwan nodded. “I do it all the time. It helps me to focus.”

If Vernon was surprised by Seungkawn’s answer, he didn’t show it. “Then this is your preferred form of meditation,” he said with a slight smile on his lips. “Turns out, we’re not so different from each other.”

“Oh, we are,” Seungkwan protested. He didn’t like the look on Vernon’s face. A Slytherin and a Gryffindor couldn’t possibly be friends. “For one, you’re very quiet and introverted, meanwhile I’m talkative and all about drama.”

“Well, I don’t mind drama,” Vernon retorted, seemingly taken aback by Seungkwan’s certainty. “I just prefer watching it from the outside.”

Seungkwan shook his head, “You’re just . . . so bizarre. No offense.”

Vernon laughed. “None taken.” He considered Seungkwan for a moment longer before bringing his focus to the lake that lay before them. Its dark water almost had a threatening aura tonight, as if it harbored many secrets deep below its smooth surface.

“Tell me,” Vernon said. His usually impassive face took on an edge of seriousness. “Why did you approach me back then?”

Seungkwan bit his lip. “I already told you. I’m a big fan.”

“Sure,” Vernon muttered. He didn’t seem convinced.

“Fine.” Seungkwan turned, considered the possibility of just leaving, then turned again. Balled his hands into fists. “I wanted to ask you out.”

All blood seemed to leave Vernon’s face. He began coughing, painfully, as if his tongue had caught in his throat. Seungkwan could see small tears form in his eyes.

“Are you alright?”

Vernon took one last cough. “Yeah,” he said. “I just didn’t expect you to say that.”

Seungkwan looked at the ground. “I thought you might go to the upcoming ball with me,” he explained. “But I’ve never asked somebody out before so I didn’t really know how to go about it.”

The atmosphere had changed. Previously, Vernon had treated Seungkwan like he was as amusing, like he was a barking puppy trying to look fierce. This was the first time Vernon seemed truly cautious and guarded, as if he might be swindled in a trade.

“Are you serious?”

Seungkwan nodded. He fixed Vernon with a stare. “I’m not playing tricks on you.”

“Oh.” Vernon nodded slowly, protruding his lower lip. “So, you still wanna go?”

“Uh.” Seungkwan was going to retort out of instinct, but the implication made him pause and step back. “I do, but not without a date.”

“I meant with me,” Vernon deadpanned.

“Ah.” Seungkwan felt himself turn hot. “Okay. I mean, yes, if you want to, we could go together. I mean to dance.” His brain functions seemed to be temporarily limited.

“Cool.” Vernon blinded Seungkwan with a gummy smile. He didn’t seem to notice Seungkwan’s mental breakdown.

“Super _cool_ ,” Seungkwan muttered under his breath. He bowed and left Vernon to his meditations, backing away. His footing was unsteady and threatened to roll his ankles. Right before he was about to turn, Vernon spoke up again.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about this place,” he said. “I don’t want to be disturbed while I’m meditating.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Vernon.”

Vernon’s smile reached his eyes. “And in return, I’ll keep your secret,” he said. 

Seungkwan gave Vernon a challenging look. "And what's that supposed to mean?" 

"That you enjoy my presence more than you'd like to admit."

Seungkwan made a gagging noise before turning on his heels. "Goodbye, Vernon." He heard the Slytherin giggle behind his back but he didn't have the nerves to put up with the boy any second longer.

* * *

A few days later, Seungkwan plunged past classrooms, past a few people who had rushed to the windows to see what would take place outside. In fact, this was the first day of flying classes for the first years, so this always gave plenty of opportunities to make fun of the bewildered children, who couldn’t keep their butts on a broom even if their life depended on it.

Halfway down, Seungkwan pointed his wand to his black hair and muttered a mending spell that fixed his hairstyle. He strode towards the classroom door nearby and smoothly slid inside, hiding himself behind a relatively tall Huffelpuff who turned out to be Mingyu.

“You’re late,” he whispered towards Seungkwan.

“I didn’t even notice,” Seungkwan said with as much irony as he possessed. “What a genius you are.”

Mingyu pouted and was about to retort something but Professor McGonagoll strode towards them, not giving him a chance to speak so much as a single word.

“Mr. Boo,” she sneered. “Would you please be so kind and get in line.”

Seungkwan bowed his head, ignoring the group of snickering Slytherins who had lined up on the opposite side of the room. He looked to his left and right. There was only one space left, right next to Seokmin who seemed to have waited for Seungkwan’s arrival. Quickly, Seungkwan hurried to stand next to his friend.

With a critical eye, Professor McGonagoll scanned the rows of the boys and girls standing against the both walls. The corners of her mouth quirked upwards in what looked like a displeasing manner, but, Seungkwan had learned, was actually a borderline smile, as it was well-known she never smiled entirely.

“Perfect,” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “As you all know, and are very excited for, I imagine, the Christmas ball is right around the corner. We are here for a ballroom dancing lesson, and under no circumstances will any of you leave this classroom until I am satisfied with the results."

Seungkwan and Seokmin looked at each other warily. McGonagoll waved her hand and the doors slammed shut.

"All right, then,” she announced. "One of you must place their left hand on your dance partner’s shoulder, while the other places theirs on your waist. You’ve all done it before so I’m sure you can at least walz.”

She clapped her hands. “Go, go!”

Seungkwan’s face turned ashen when he realized who his dancing partner would be. Right in front of him, mere feet apart, stood handsome Vernon in his dazzling Slytherin robe. Gosh, how Seungkwan hated his life.

Vernon stepped out of the neat row of students, making his way forward to Seungkwan. “You look like you’re sick,” he said.

“I’m fine,” Seungkwan said between his teeth, bringing his hand up to rest gingerly on Vernon’s broad shoulder. His hand barely touched Vernon at all. In comparison, Vernon’s grip on Seungkwan’s waist was firm. He held Seungkwan like Seungkwan was made to be held.

“If you say so,” Vernon muttered, holding out his left hand.

Whatever colour that was left in Seungkwan’s face drained. His hand trembling, Seungkwan placed it in the outstretched palm of the Slytherin. Vernon's eyes briefly followed the motion of his hand before taking a step closer. Seungkwan shot him a helpless look like a deer caught in headlights.

“Have you danced before?” Vernon asked curiously.

“I have,” Seungkwan stuttered. “I am just a bit out of practice.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Just follow me, and then we can take a turn with me following you.”

Intimidated by the Slyhterin’s confidence, and a bit, too, by the proximity of Vernon’s face and by how beautiful and long his eyelashes looked so up-close, Seungkwan nodded.

They waltzed with each other, their hands growing a bit sweaty. Vernon led well, seemingly gliding over air, his head held high and not a slouch in his posture. Never too fast, and never too slow.

They were so close there wasn't an inch of space between them. Seungkwan wondered briefly if Vernon shouldn’t take a step back, not lean in so close, but the sight of Vernon’s thin lips brought Seungkwan’s doubts to a rest.

He wouldn’t mind if Vernon were to lean down just a bit lower. He could imagine how it would feel like for Vernon’s nose to collide with his own, his lips brushing against–

“Ahh, Seungkwan!” Vernon took a step back. “Be careful.”

“My bad, sorry.”

Vernon suddenly grinned. “At least your cheeks have gotten some color again,” he muttered, and Seungkwan decided that it was not below him to step on Vernon’s foot once more, this time with clear intent.

Nearly half an hour later, the students finished their routine perfectly, familiar as they were with the song. McGonagall seemed satisfied as she clapped their hands together and told everyone to continue practicing in their free time.

On their way out, Seokmin bumped into Seungkwan’s shoulder. “Good job, my friend,” he snickered.

“What do you mean,” Seungkwan said, a quizzical look on his face.

“The way you worked Vernon just now. Looked pretty convincing to me.”

“I guess so.”

Seokmin was grinning. He slid an arm around Seungkwan’s shoulder. “He’s totally into you. Now, the only thing that's left is finding me a date so I can watch you two lovebirds rub bodies on the dancefloor.”

Seungkwan grimaced. “Gross, you airhead.”

* * *

On two occasions within half an hour, Seungkwan stepped out of his bedroom, caught sight of himself in the gilt-frame mirror at the top of the stairs and, immediately dissatisfied, returned to his wardrobe to reconsider. He didn’t have much more time left to waste.

Vernon said he would wait for him at the entrance to the main hall, and Seungkwan could already hear the music thumping through the corridors. He didn’t want Vernon to have the wrong impression and think Seungkwan spent a lot of thought on his outfit.

Still, Seungkwan found time, as he was about to leave, to return to his cupboard and apply his favourite perfume. When he arrived downstairs, his friends already awaited him.

“Where’s Hoshi?” Seungkwan asked the moment he came to a halt.

“Not going.” Seokmin shrugged at Seungkwan’s raised eyebrows. “Changed his mind last minute.”

“Are you sure he’s okay?”

“Well,” Seokmin glanced at his date. “We can’t force him, can we?”

Seungkwan chewed on his lip. It didn’t feel right to go and enjoy a ball when his best friend wasn’t here. Especially if something happened that upset Hoshi and he needed someone to talk to.

Seungkwan was about to suggest that they should go and search for their friend when a warm hand found its way around his waist. It was only a light touch but it startled Seungkwan nonetheless.

“I’m sorry,” a warm voice said right next to his ear.

Seungkwan looked up to find himself face to face with Vernon. “It’s okay,” he heard himself whisper. Vernon’s grip became firm.

He was handsome. Oh, so handsome it was driving Seungkwan nuts. It shouldn’t be allowed for anyone to have such pretty eyes; it all wasn’t fair. And yet, Vernon didn’t seem aware of it, at least not tonight.

He was looking at Seungkwan curiously, like he couldn’t quite figure out why the Gryffindor was staring. “Have you changed your mind?” he said, leaning a bit closer.

Seungkwan managed to shake his head. “One of my friend’s didn’t show up.”

Vernon’s eyebrows drew together.

“Don’t worry,” Seungkwan hurried. “He’ll be fine.” He grabbed Vernon by the arm. “Let’s go.”

Vernon looked worried for a moment but he let himself dragged into the main hall, passing by groups of Slytherins who raised their eyebrows at them. Vernon’s submission calmed Seungkwan, in a way. Gave him the illusion of having control over the situation.

Seungkwan strode forward firmly, Vernon at his side, causing some Slytherin punks to stumble over themselves and move out of the way. His eyes scanned the hall.

The walls appeared to be crafted from white marble of various shades. Gold, silver, bronze, and brass sparkled upon figures in brilliant ball gowns and sharp gentlemen's suits, and a group of musicians played strings in a far corner.

“Wow,” he whispered, more to himself than anything.

Vernon came to a halt next to him. Seungkwan felt it, the warmth of the Slytherin’s shoulders brushing against his own.

“You could say that.”

Seungkwan gazed at Vernon. “You’ve must have been to many balls before.”

“Not really. What makes you think so?”

“Well, you’re a Chwe, aren’t you?” Seungkwan had heard the stories. Vernon’s family held a certain status; rich, well-known and privileged. His sister was the only Not-Slytherin in the family.

“Yeah, so what.” Vernon shrugged.

“Don’t your parents throw a lot of parties and stuff?”

“Sure they do. Doesn’t mean I need to attend them if I don’t want to.”

Seungkwan gave Vernon a bewildered look. He couldn’t help himself but laugh. “You’re cooler than I thought, Vernon Chwe.”

Vernon’s smile was radiant. “Likewise.” He nudged Seungkwan with his elbow, playfully pushing the Gryffindor to the side. Seungkwan laughed, pushed back, and, in the mood for revenge, planted a foot on Vernon’s fancy black shoes.

That was when Seungkwan realized their fingers were intertwined. He had no idea how long they had been like that. Holding hands felt like a completely natural thing between them, and Vernon seemed to think the same, since he didn’t let go even when he noticed Seungkwan’s staring. Instead, he tugged at Seungkwan’s fingers, playfully twisting and squeezing them.

“It’s actually my first time going to a fancy ball like this,” Seungkwan confessed, because it felt like it was time for confessions.

Vernon grinned. “Ever danced with a dude as handsome as me?”

“Well, we’ve danced in class, so. . .”

“Yeah, but outside of that.”

Seungkwan groaned. He pulled a giggling Vernon towards the dance floor, ignoring his urge to flick the Slytherin’s forehead. “Go do the dancing you came here for,” he ordered.

Vernon calmed and gathered Seungkwan into his arms. They stood there for a moment. Not moving. Just standing. Their bodies so close together. Thigh to thigh. Chest to chest.

“So, are we like friends now or what?” Seungkwan asked.

He could hear Vernon was smiling when he spoke, “Yes, you dummy. Do you think I would be dancing with you if we weren’t?”

“I don’t know, man,” Seungkwan muttered. “You’re pretty weird, you know.”

Vernon laughed. “And you’re condescending.” Then, he got serious for a moment, "Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm, sure?" Seungkwan felt his heart rate spike. It was hard to breathe for a second and he feared he might faint. Calm down, he told himself, trying to stop himself from literally shaking with anxiety. _He's not gonna confess, is he?_

"So, why were you always so cold to me?"

Seungkwan paled. "What?"

"Why were you–"

"No, I understood, I just don't get what you mean. I was never cold to you." 

Vernon raised his brows, "Oh no, you were. I always thought we could become friends after you know..."

"The bathroom incident." 

Vernon grinned. "The bathroom incident, yes," he nodded. "But you just kinda avoided me in class and I _really_ tried to make it work, man. I don't know, I always wondered if I did something wrong."

Seungkwan's heart squeezed in his chest. "No, no. Of course not, Vernon." He pressed his lips together, and felt Vernon's grip on his hips becoming tighter. The boy was worrying about him but Seungkwan was the one who had been the asshole all along. He should be mad, not standing there with his pretty warm eyes looking at Seungkwan like he was something precious.

"To be honest, I think I was just intimidated."

Vernon frowned. "Why would you?"

Inwardly, Seungkwan rolled his eyes. He could not believe Vernon. Here he stood, tall and handsome as ever and was asking Seungkwan why a model like him could be intimidating. It was ridiculous. Seungkwan opted for a half-truth.

"Well, because I'm a Gryffindor and you're a Slytherin. We are like supposed to be enemies, and all."

Vernon laughed. He shook his head like he could not believe a word Seungkwan was saying. He looked almost relieved, like he hadn't expected this. "Seungkwan, that's so stupid."

"Thanks."

Vernon rolled his eyes. "But seriously, Hogwarts houses are just dumb houses. They mean nothing."

"Well, they do mean something though. People identify with their house. It's like part of who they are."

Vernon considered Seungkwan for a moment. Seungkwan bit his lip, blushing. He did not like this stare, and he wondered what Vernon was seeing right now, if he thought Seungkwan was looking stupid or foolish and–

"Okay, but not me. I can like whoever I want to."

Vernon squeezed his sides. Seungkwan couldn't help but smile. "Okay," he mumbled, not realizing he was pouting. Not until Vernon mocked him and pulled a pouty grimace, and leaned in to bump Seungkwan's nose with his own. 

"And I like youuuu, Seungkwaaan," he singsonged, nuzzling his nose, and Seungkwan withdrew, giggling. "Stop, what are you doing," he laughed. "I will kick you in your balls, I swear."

That seemed to resonate with Vernon because he mercifully stopped and started dancing normally again. Seungkwan pressed his forehead to Vernon’s shoulder. Buried like this, he grinned despite himself. He took a deep breath, breathing Vernon in. Breathing the light of Vernon into the dark depths of him.

Vernon started to move them. Slowly they danced, with Vernon resting his cheek against Seungkwan's forehead. His skin was warm.

Seungkwan felt content, happy and cozy in Vernon's arms. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right- he just couldn't grasp what it was.


	2. Spring 1996

Exams neared and Seungkwan found a new hiding place in the secondary library, far away from the study tables which were nestled throughout the library. It was way past four p.m. when Vernon found him, curled up beside a medicine chest that had over a hundred little drawers, each carved with the name of a different herb or tincture.

Vernon sat down on the floor across from Seungkwan, leaning his back against the wall. He scanned over the labels next to Seungkwan’s head. “It feels like way too many of these are cures for baldness,” he said.

Despite himself, Seungkwan snorted.

Vernon tugged on a strand of his own golden hair, perhaps thinking ahead to the day he’d have to write the potions exam which consisted in brewing several potions from memory. Seungkwan watched him, his now best friend, wondering how he could be so beautiful and dumb at the same time. 

"Come here," he ordered. His hand could not reach Vernon, but the boy moved nonetheless, his shoulder colliding with Seungkwan's a moment later. 

"Ouch!" Seungkwan shoved Vernon playfully to the side, only to pull him back close. "You're so bony," he complained, only half-heartedly.

In fact, Vernon had gained– not weight, but muscles over the past year. It was only natural, the hormones were kicking in (mind you, Seungkwan had gotten pimples all over his back instead of a nice six pack, two man titties and a biceps that scared even Draco Malfoy).

Vernon only laughed, and leaned his head on Seungkwan's shoulder. He was such a tall guy, still all he wanted was to make himself small and burry his nose in Seungkwan's neck. It was amusing for Seungkwan to see, really. 

"You're such a cat," he muttered quietly, and, having not the smallest idea why, Seungkwan leaned in a little and kissed Vernon on the temple. His lips pressed on his friend’s warm, soft skin, Vernon's fine, downy wisps of hair. Vernon was a pleasant warm heap beside him.

"You're the one that should be eating more." Vernon revealed a sandwich, and Seungkwan could easily notice it was handmade– Vernon was clumsy and bad at cooking, so much that even putting together a decent sandwich seemed to be a challenge for him. 

"That's for me?" Seungkwan purred. 

"No, it's for your dog." Vernon rolled his eyes. "Of course, it's for you."

Seungkwan elbowed him in the sides. "Thanks, idiot," he said. He took the sandwich, hoping it wouldn't poison him and took a big bite– extra big, just for Vernon.

"Mhhhhhh," Seungkwan faked a food-orgasm. Vernon giggled. "I tired, alright." 

Seungkwan gulped it down. "No, I really appreciate it," he said softly, stroking Vernon's face with his hand. "You take good care of me."

Vernon looked to the side, long eye-lashes caressing his reddened cheeks. "Ah," he muttered. "That's what friends do."

"Best friends," Seungkwan corrected. 

Vernon raised a curious brow. 

"What?" 

"Nothing." Vernon shrugged. "I thought Hoshi and Seokmin were your best friends, that's all." 

Seungkwan shifted. He felt Vernon's body follow his movements, his body rocking against Seungkwan like a ship in the shore. He didn't quite know what to say, or rather, how to say it. 

It was true, he knew Hoshi and Seokmin since his first day at Hogwarts. Back then Seungkwan had been smaller (yes, you won't believe it), rounder and a bit more naive. Quieter too, but together they were an unstoppable team of goofballs and soon, Seungkwan was laughing and cracking jokes and being the loud and dramatic entertainer that he was. Still. 

Vernon was freaking neat. He was definitely special to him. Seungkwan treated no one the way he did Vernon. For the Slytherin, Seungkwan was always willing to go the extra mile. To put a bit more effort into it, to fight a bit longer, to cry a bit longer. With Vernon, everything was just more... important. When Hoshi was mad at him, Seungkwan pouted and would get upset. If Vernon was angry at him, that meant the end of the world. 

The thing was, Seungkwan _liked_ Vernon. Not in the way one likes to eat oranges, but more like he wanted to kiss Vernon's forehead, and his nose, and his cheeks, and _oh god_ his l i p s. And the thing about the hormones made it really hard not to let that on. 

And Vernon had to be so god damn handsome, with this stupid smile and his dumb eyes and golden hair that just made Seungkwan loose his mind on a daily basis. So yeah, how does one not fall for that guy anyway? It wasn't even Seungkwan's fault. Before, Vernon was just a crush, a mean Slytherin that Seungkwan could despise although his body was sending other signals. Unfortunately, Vernon had turned out to be a kind guy who was just a bit goofy. And oh god, Seungkwan found out goofy was totally his type.

Vernon didn't seem to want to let it go. He nudged Seungkwan. "What changed?" he asked. 

Seungkwan looked to his lap. The air between them suddenly felt thick, knotted. Vernon nudged him again, demanded his attention. He only stopped when Seungkwan looked up and met his eyes; searched his eyes, without end. Vernon was the source of that warm, sickening, magic, and he poured it into Seungkwan like wine, filling him up the brim, making Seungkwan's whole body tingle and burn.

"I feel like you can make me feel like others cant," he said. A mere whisper but Vernon looked at him attentively, soaking up each word that dropped from Seungkwan's lips. Like he was thirsty. 

"Does that sound weird?"

Vernon shook his head slightly. "Nope," he muttered. His fingers intertwined with Seungkwan's. They were warm and long and comforting. Just like Vernon. Seungkwan smiled softly. 

"And just so we are clear," he said, shooting Vernon an not-so-serious angry glance. "Joshua isn't your best friend either, I am."

Vernon rolled his eyes. All seriousness and tension left his body. He giggled, after giving it some thought, leaned in closer to whisper into Seungkwan's ear, "Hoshi might cry rivers if I tell him that." 

Vernon's lips brushed Seungkwan's ear and made him giggle, and he leaned away a bit, amused. But the happiness didn't last long. Hoshi– his best friend who had disappeared in the night of the Yule Ball. Well, not disappeared, Professor Dumbledore had said. Hoshi had quit his studies, had given up. Suddenly, and without telling anyone, not even Seungkwan. 

Noticing Seungkwan's darkened mood, Vernon pointed at the herbs. “Are those . . . fire lilies?” he said, a wide, knowing grin spreading across his face.

Seungkwan flushed beet red. He knew that Vernon would say next. “Stop it!" 

“That’s right,” Vernon said. His eyes shone with glee. “These are used to brew Amortentia, right?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "The most powerful love potion in the world.”

“Knock it off,” Seungkwan snapped. But it was too hard keeping the corners of his lips from curling upward.

“Knock what off?” Vernon said, enjoying his friend’s reaction. “I’m just wondering who you are trying to seduce, that’s all. Is it perhaps Snape?”

Seungkwan’s defenses broke and he let out a giggle through his nose. “I swear to god, Vernon Chew,” he exclaimed, ready to punch Vernon with one of his potion books.

“Yah!” Vernon quickly threw himself to the ground, avoiding Seungkwan’s punches. Now, he was giggling himself.

And, of course Seungkwan couldn’t stay angry at his friend. He allowed Vernon to spend the afternoon watching him work, letting Vernon lie down on the floor and rest his head in Seungkwan’s lap while he plucked deformed leaves and trimmed stems to the right length.

Had anyone caught the two of them like that, there would have been a scandal that not even Harry Potter could have recovered from.

That day, entranced by Vernon’s upside-down features dappled with the flower petals Seungkwan’d teasingly sprinkled over his friend’s face, Seungkwan’d almost leaned down and kissed him. Almost.

* * *

Caratland was Seungkwan’s favorite abandoned place near Hogwarts– not that there were many. The only other that popped into Seungkwan’s mind was the Shrieking Shack, a place that was clearly haunted.

Well, Caratland certainly wasn’t haunted. The main entrance of the former mansion was pointing to The Black Lake, not to the Forbidden Forest, and, at the back of the building was nothing but a narrow door, barely more than a servants’ entrance.

Seungkwan knew every corner of Caratland, even the flooded cellars where crayfish had established themselves in crumpled wine bottles and shelves covered with algae. And he knew the heartbeat of the house like his own: the dull and thumping clacking of the old elevator with its worn gears, which echoed through the mansion’s empty corridors. 

When Seokmin, Hoshi and he had found it years ago, they had slowly conquered each room of Caratland like explorers discovering a lost kingdom. They had cleaned up the dirt and destruction left by the war nearly twenty years ago, when you know who had taken over Hogwarts (thankfully not for long, as he was killed under mysterious circumstances). Room by room, they had freed the hotel from debris and dust and made it homey.

Seungkwan followed Seokmin through its narrow entrance, and upon setting a foot on the marble floor of the grand reception hall, he immediately felt safe and content. Seokmin entered a room and Seungkwan followed, walking towards an open window. Its ledge was wide and inviting, and when Seungkwan sat down, a warm gust of wind sweept up The Black Lake, smelling of algae and water. Closing his eyes, Seungkwan took a deep breath.

Breathing in the air, he felt its salty energy pouring into every cell of his being, into every grain of sand and wisp of wind, and he listened to the loveliest sounds– the faintest whisper of trees, the airiest sigh of wind, the half-heard, half-felt moan of nature. After a moment, he opened his eyes again and, for a moment, smiled at his reflection in the lake, enjoying the height and the fresh wind. Then, he remembered something.

Seungkwan reached into his pocket and took out an old photograph, bleached and fuzzy on the edges. There was not much to see on it: blonde hair, the idea of a bright face and a blurred laugh. Hoshi. The boy who disappeared, Seungkwan thought with bitter irony. 

“It’s not the same without him,” he muttered. 

Seokmin looked up. His eyes darted to the photograph in Seungkwan's hand, and he paled. “It’s not," he said. “A lot of things have changed this year, don’t you think?” He walked over to the spot where Seungkwan sat and leaned against the wall.

“Like what?”

Seokmin sighed. “I don’t know. Like, the fact that we don’t even see each other anymore. It’s always Vernon, Vernon, Vernon.”

“That’s not true!” Seungkwan glared at his friend. His rebuke echoed through the room.

“Well, but it is.” Seokmin sounded almost tired. It upset Seungkwan more than anything. He’d never ignore his friend. “I always make time for you,” he said.

“Of course.” Seokmin nodded. “But Vernon seems to be glued to your hip. And if he’s not there, he’s all you talk about.”

Seungkwan felt his cheeks catch fire. “I don’t-“

Seokmin waved his hand. “It’s okay, Seungkwan. I don’t hold it against you.” He gave Seungkwan a smile out of sympathy.

The shame inside Seungkwan twisted into something hurtful. “I’m sorry, Seok. I didn’t know you felt like that.”

Seokmin’s eyes softened. “I am just wondering…” he muttered, considering Seungkwan for a moment. “What is it about him that makes him so special to you?”

Seungkwan laughed, a strangled noise of release. 

“I’m not judging you,” Seokmin hurried. “I am just curious, that’s all. And he’s clearly special to you, you can’t deny that.”

Seungkwan considered his friend’s question for a moment. He knew Seokmin's intentions were innocent; he merely wanted to know and understand better. Still, Seungkwan felt awkward. He hesitated.

There were lines one couldn't cross, even in a friendship like theirs. Things Seungkwan couldn't tell, things that were to be kept private. He looked at his friends dark-green eyes. Seokmin was probably the kindest person to exist on earth. He deserved an honest answer.

Seungkwan collected his breath. “He just makes me feel very happy. I don't know why, but it's just like that. He listens to me well, and yeah." 

Seungkwan looked to the side, embarrassed. He sounded mad to his own ears. "It doesn't mean that I don't love you though."

He faltered and cast down his eyes. He couldn't say any more, could not begin to bring himself to explain how different the word _love_ felt with Vernon. Like it took on whole new meaning. But Seokmin guessed it. He saw it caught in Seungkwan's mouth like a fish hook. 

_What is it about him that makes him so special to you?_

Seungkwan continued to ponder over his friend’s question after that but whenever he attempted to think about his friendship with Vernon, he could only picture two separate people and his focus always remained on Vernon.

Even when Seungkwan tried hard to pinpoint a certain dynamic between them, he ended up just describing how he perceived Vernon. It was as if he looked at a picture and Vernon stood in the front, perfectly in focus, and Seungkwan was in the back, blurry.

He thought of Vernon as cool, experienced, intelligent, kind and funny. Maybe that was why he found it so hard to think of them as a unity. For him, Vernon was the person he wanted to talk to the most, the one he wanted to get to know more and whom he always enjoyed talking to.

Repeatedly, he’d needed to tell himself to slow down, to hold a bit back, to express his love in waves, not oceans, so Vernon could breathe.

In all of Seungkwan’s friendships, he’d always been the one who cared the most, the one who tried so hard to be gentle and who thought of others feelings and worries first, putting his own needs last.

Vernon was like a comfy blanket that warmed Seungkwan and made him feel save. He gave Seungkwan so much attention and care but at the same time also let Seungkwan help him. It was this giving and taking, this honest exchange that Seungkwan really appreciated.

* * *

Hogsmeade was a picturesque little village of cottages and shops. It was founded in the 11th century, around the same time as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, by medieval wizard Hengist of Woodcroft as he was fleeing persecution by Muggles.

Students loved the little village, but Seungkwan remembered the sense of foreboding he’d felt the first time he had set a foot into the village. There’d been a darkness below the clean-swept streets of the village that he’d sensed would burst through the surface someday.

He must have been looking into the future. That day was today. And that shadow from the deep was him.

Seungkwan walked down the main street, heading straight towards a dingy pub owned by Dumbledore's brother. It was located one or two streets off of the High Street, and infamous for his cheapness and interesting clientele. A worn-out wooden sign hungs over the door, advertising with a “ _wild boar’s severed head leaking blood onto the white cloth around it_ ”.

Seungkwan lowered his head and stepped inside. He took a position facing the door so he could see who came and went. Then, he waited.

Customers filed in through the entrance over the course of the morning. Seungkwan took note of their builds, gaits, and faces, waiting for one of them to be Hoshi. It was only a matter of time before he came.

Seungkwan’s good friend walked in and immediately spotted him sitting at the far table. He seemed slightly stooped. His handsome face was wan, like he hadn’t eaten or slept in days. He looked older than Seungkwan remembered. Much older.

Hoshi settled into the chair across from Seungkwan. An enterprising waiter, seeing that a new person had joined at the table, came over to ask Hoshi what he wanted. Seungkwan sent him packing with a glare.

The two of them drank each other in.

“You look terrible,” Seungkwan said.

“Thank you,” he replied. “Good to see you’re still the same. Nothing’s changed.”

He put his elbows on the table and leaned on his hands, giving Seungkwan an exhausted half smile. “I know why you sent an owl for me,” he said. “But I can’t do what you ask me for.”

“I’ve sent you many owls,” Seungkwan murmured. Hoshi’s distant tone was beyond his comprehension by leaps and bounds. “Waited weeks, months, for you to reply.”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“You could’ve answered.”

Hoshi rubbed his face. “Sending you a letter would have been too dangerous. Besides, you never would have believed me.”

“Dangerous?” All color left Seungkwan’s face. He leaned in, whishing he could touch his friend. Hold his hand, find some kind of way to comfort. “It’s time to stop this nonsense, Hoshi. Come back.“

Hoshi frowned at him. “Hogwarts isn’t safe for me anymore. In fact, it isn’t safe for anyone, not even Dumbledore himself.”

“Why?”

Hoshi shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”

“What does that mean?” Seungkwan couldn’t understand the world anymore. “Why did you bother to show up if you can’t even tell me what the hell is going on with you? I’ve been so patient. I told myself, Seungkwan, I said, you can’t force him if he’s not ready yet. But it’s been four months.”

Seungkwan fought back against the anger that ran through his body. His knee shook a little, contacting the table. “Four long months, Hoshi, of me not knowing where you are, what you are doing, why you suddenly left.”

“I am sorry,” Hoshi whispered. Tears flowed out of his eyes.

“I can’t forgive you if you won’t tell me what happened.”

Hoshi looked at Seungkwan’s round, innocent expression. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, drawing in a steading breath. “Things… are not as they seem, Seungkwan. The Wizarding War, it’s all a lie, a scam.”

Seungkwan shivered. He couldn’t grasp what Hoshi was alluding to, but he felt the sincerity of his friend’s words. Whatever Hoshi was hiding, it scared him. “What are you talking about?”

“A second war. Nobody is safe, not even Muggles.”

At Seungkwan’s look of confusion, Hoshi gave him a wan, forced smile. He slumped forward in his chair with his elbows on his knees, his fingers knotted together. His clothes draped from his joints in a way that made him look thin and weary. He stared at the floor in silence for an uncomfortably long time.

“The one who shall not be named never died in the war. He was just hiding, recovering. Waiting for the right time to attack.”

His voice was a mere whisper. Seungkwan swallowed the urge to tell his friend that wasn’t true.

Hoshi glanced up at him with sadness in his eyes. “They killed mom and dad.”

Seungkwan’s face paled. He could feel himself become numb. He sat back for a moment, just staring straight ahead, not really looking at anything. Hoshi’s parents were nice people, Seungkwan knew them. Their bright, smiling faces appeared in front of his eyes. Hoshi had the same smile.

“Who?”

Hoshi closed his eyes, squeezing out tears. “ _His_ followers.”

Death eaters. Seungkwan shook his head in disbelief. As much as he wanted to belief his friend, he couldn’t.

Hoshi seemed to pick up on Seungkwan’s distress and narrowed his eyes. “It’s already too late now. War has already started; you just haven’t noticed it yet. People are being killed, assassinated, kidnapped. Dad always talked about Dumbledore’s Army, that they were preparing for the worst.”

“Dumbledore’s what?”

Hoshi sighed, the expression calcifying on his face. He clapped his hands to his knees and pushed himself up to standing. “I’m sorry, Seungkwan. I truly am. You’ve always been a dear friend to me.”

“And I still am!” Seungkwan yelled, feeling nearly sick with frustration.

A few wizards lifted their heads, curiously glancing at them. Hoshi cursed under his breath and took a step forward, grabbing Seungkwan by the arm. “I don’t know how long until they find me too,” he whispered. “But I’m not going to make it easy for them.”

Seungkwan shook his head, still in disbelief. “You’re insane,” he whimpered.

The floor seemed to spiral away from his feet. Seungkwan’s foundations turned to liquid. He was grateful for Hoshi’s tight hold on his arm. It gave Seungkwan a point to stabilize on.

“I might be,” Hoshi laughed. He looked sad and broken. “I hope we’ll see each other again.” Before Seungkwan could say much more, he stepped back, slid out the door, with a layer of empty space between them as impenetrable as steel.

Seungkwan remained. Left behind, alone. The room swayed back and forth, threatening to force him down on all fours. He needed to leave.

* * *

Seungkwan didn’t tell anyone. How could he? It was as if something unspeakable had happened, something that Seungkwan couldn’t comprehend nor communicate. How could he possibly explain it to his friends if he didn’t even understand it himself? If he had no words to describe it?

Still, he felt miserable. That very night, he collapsed outside his room. His forehead lay on the cold floor. It felt good, cooling. The encounter had sapped him of his energy, left him unable to take the last few steps to his bed. So close, and yet so far.

A bright light appeared over his head. Seungkwan twisted his neck upward to see Seokmin holding up his wand. A small light danced at the end of it.

Seokmin looked down at him and then sniffed the night air. “Kwannie, have you been drinking?”

It seemed easier to lie. “Yes?”

With great difficulty, Seokmin dragged him inside by the arms. It was warmer in their shared room, the difference between a winter’s night and an afternoon in spring. Seungkwan could feel the stiffness leaving his limbs, his head losing the ponderous echo it seemed to have before.

“I’ll go get Vernon,” Seokmin said and appeared as fast as he’d gone. With him, he dragged a very tired and confused looking Vernon. He pushed Vernon towards Seungkwan’s bed before disappearing under the sheets of his own.

Vernon yanked pieces of the Gryffindor uniform off Seungkwan like he was stripping down a broken wagon. “You can’t sleep in that.”

He’d taken his own Slytherin robe off and was only wearing a thin shirt and shorts that exposed his arms and legs. His figure belied the solidness of his muscles. Seungkwan caught himself gawking, having never seen his friend out of uniform before.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping already?” Vernon said. He shot Seungkwan a curious glance. He settled next to him on the bed. “Seokmin said you’ve been out all day.”

Seungkwan didn’t respond. He felt so incredibly guilty and he had no words for Vernon. He watched the moonlight that came through the seams of the curtains, making stars out of tiny stitch holes.

Two strong hands carefully grabbed his shoulders and yanked him over onto his side so that they were facing each other.

“Seungkwan,” Vernon said hoarsely, his eyes flaring with pain. “I can’t stand it when you don’t talk to me.”

It wasn’t supposed to be like that, Seungkwan knew. Vernon was the one that was always hiding, always holding people two feet away from him. He was the one that struggled with expressing emotions, the one that found comfort in Seungkwan’s openness. What had happened to them?

Vernon gave him a hard, jostling shake. “Did someone hurt you?” he asked. “Just tell me, whatever it is, I can take care of it for you. Let me help, please, Kwannie.”

Vernon cautiously draped an arm over Seungkwan’s shoulder. The Gryffindor nestled under it and relaxed, though he still made a series of sharp little inhalations through his nose.

After a moment, Seungkwan shifted, pressing closer to Vernon’s body, rubbing the soft bouquet of his black hair against Vernon’s lips. The startling contact felt like a transgression, the mistake of a boy exhausted and drowsy.

The faint, flowery scent that filled Vernon’s lungs made his head swim and his pulse quicken. He kept still like it was his life’s calling, unwilling to make any motion that might disturb his friend’s fitful slumber.

Eventually Seungkwan fell into a deep sleep, radiating warmth like a little glowing coal in the hearth. Vernon realized that comforting him throughout the night was both an honor and a torture he wouldn’t have traded for anything in the world.

Vernon closed his eyes. He did his best to ignore the pain of his arm losing circulation and his heart falling into a pile of ribbons.

* * *

Seungkwan kneeled before the white flower. He’d been searching for her for almost two hours now, with his only audience being the ancient trees in the Dark Forest, dense and rough looking from years of exposure to the elements.

Carefully, Seungkwan picked the plant up and inspected it before putting it in his bag. Moly was a powerful herb that could be eaten to counteract enchantments. A gust of wind swept his black hair. Seungkwan heard a chirping sound, perhaps a bird disturbed in its nest. He looked behind him.

From a nearby bush, a snout poked out. Its owner emerged into the clearing. A four-legged animal resembling a horse, only skeletal and bat-winged. The beast stared at Seungkwan with glowing white eyes. It padded over to him, sniffing along the way, until it was close enough to nuzzle at him.

Seungkwan didn’t know what to do except offer his hand. The Thestrals licked his palm, the roughness of its tongue tickling his skin. Seungkwan risked scratching it behind its ears. Creatures like this didn’t live in the Muggle word, but he’d read about it.

In centuries past the sight of them was regarded as unlucky and they’d been hunted and ill-treated for many years. But Thestrals were not marks of ill omen but gentle and kind animals, which could be seen once the beholder has witnessed death and gained an emotional understanding of what death meant. 

The strange animal leaned into Seungkwan’s touch, enjoying the contact, until it suddenly and arbitrarily decided it’d had enough. It chirruped at him again, throwing wide jaws set with small, pointy teeth, and then dashed back into the bush.

A few seconds later it came back. Somehow it looked annoyed with Seungkwan. The Thestral padded around in a circle.

“You . . . want me to follow you?” Seungkwan said.

The Thestral scratched impatiently at the grass until he got up. Seungkwan followed the animal through the woods, over the edges of the hills, down and up ravines. There was no trail and he nearly fell several times, off tree roots and stumps. He didn’t know where they were going, and though he had spent nearly two years studying magical herbs, Seungkwan couldn’t boast knowledge of every inch of the Black Forest. Wandering was dangerous and expended energy.

Speaking of which, getting lost wasn’t a good idea either. “We’ve gone too far,” he said but the Thestral seemed to have a mind of its own. He jumped between two thick trees. Seungkwan sighed and wedged himself through the space.

He stumbled into a clearing. In the middle was a spring, a little pool with clear, fresh water bubbling up from the earth. It was hemmed in with mossy stones, and the lip jutted out over the slope of the mountain. It was beautiful.

Vernon sat on a flat table of a stone, perfect for sitting on to meditate. Seungkwan glanced at the Thestral in shock and confusion. Had the animal led him to find his friend?

“Seungkwan?” Vernon parted his lips and raised his dark brown eyebrows.

Seungkwan gave him a mildly embarrassed smile. “It’s me,” he confirmed. “Found you!”

“I didn’t know you were searching for herbs today.” Vernon titled his head. “How did you find me?”

Seungkwan bit his lips. He side-eyed the Thestral. Vernon didn’t seem to notice the animal. Maybe he couldn’t see it?”

“Uh,” he said, scratching his head. “Magic?”

Vernon let out a weak laugh. “Okay,” he said, glancing at the pool of water beside him. He’d always been good at respecting Seungkwan’s boundaries. Maybe even a little too good.

Seungkwan strode towards his friend, placing a hand on Vernon’s golden hair. It was sparkling in the spring sun and felt warm under Seungkwan’s fingertips. Like actual honey, Seungkwan thought and smiled fondly.

“This reminds me of when I caught you meditating for the first time,” he said.

Vernon seemed to read his mind and smiled. “Oh yes,” he giggled. “You asked me to be your date for the Christmas ball.”

“Uh-huh.” Seungkwan dragged his hand to Vernon’s cheek. “And you said yes.”

Vernon stared at him. “Of course, I did.”

“Because you felt bad for me,” Seungkwan suggested, rolling his eyes. He let his hand fall down, and he almost took a step back if it hadn’t been for Vernon’s strong grip on his hips. 

“Because you are different, Kwannie. And I like people who are different.”

Seungkwan raised an offended brow but couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at his lips. “Jerk,” he mumbled.

Vernon grinned. Pulled him a bit closer, still looking up at him through his long eyelashes. “You must admit that it’s quite hard to _not_ notice you. You just stand out.”

Seungkwan held Vernon’s gaze for a long moment, both of them smiling, before he remembered something. He looked to his right and saw the Theastral basking on a warm stone nearby. It opened a single white eye, almost expectantly waiting for Seungkwan’s next move.

“Vernon, I need to tell you something,” Seungkwan said, voice low. His friend immediatly caught on. He drew his eyebrows together and pulled Seungkwan on his lap.

“Tell me.”

Seungkwan gulped. He looked to his hands, fiddled with seam of Vernon’s green sweater. “Don’t be angry at me, okay?”

“I won’t.”

Seungkwan couldn’t tell by Vernon’s voice if his friend was honest or not, and he was too scared to look up to find out. So Seungkwan kept fiddling and chewed on his lower lip. He felt the silence between them like the drumming of a soldiers march, getting louder and louder until it was near unbearable.

“The night we went to the dance,” he said quietly, finally looking up. Vernon’s eyes were steady.

“Do you remember… ,” Seungkwan started, one hand clenching the fabric at his knee, “One of my friend’s didn’t show up. Well, he left Hogwarts that night. Never let us know why, just disappeared in thin air.”

Now the words seemed to just fall out of him, and unable to stop them, Seungkwan went on,”I kept asking for him, sent like eight owls to his family, asked around but no one could help me. Even Dumbledore sent me away, telling me that ‘everything is fine, and I shouldn’t be worrying’. They really wanted me to believe that Hoshi had just decided to stop studying.”

Seungkwan gulped. The muscles in his chest were tired and aching from pain. “I was thinking... I thought...” he struggled as his reasoning sounded pathetic to his own mind but Vernon waited patiently for him to finish, “something just wasn’t right about the whole thing.”

He looked at Vernon, expectantly. His best friend nodded, slowly. “Okay.” His eyes focused on Seungkwan’s teary eyes for a moment. “And what did you do?”

Seungkwan closed his eyes. Took a breath. And opened them. “He answered. I don’t know why, maybe my letters annoyed him or maybe he decided it was the only way to stop me from asking questions, but he sent an owl saying we could meet in Hogsmeade.”

Seungkwan took a steadying breath. “I was so happy to hear from him but when we met… Vernon, he was so different. Like a ghost-version of himself.”

Seungkwan shivered, and Vernon pulled him close, as if to keep him warm. He was quiet, just listening but that was exactly what Seungkwan needed. A warm chest to cuddle up to, and his friend who would understand.

“He spoke of horrible things. Dark things, Vernon. That he had to leave because his family had been… killed.”

The last word seemed to hang in the air between them. They sent a cold through Seungkwan’s body and formed a tunnel of ice between his ribs. Vernon had grown still. Only his heartbeat was betraying him. Seungkwan could feel his friend’s heart pounding against his cheek.

“I’ve heard things,” Vernon muttered. Seungkwan’d never seen him so serious. It was as if his friend was a different person. _Don’t disappear on me too,_ he thought.

“What kind of things?”

Vernon considered Seungkwan for a moment. Brushed a hand through Seungkwan’s black hair, placed an airy kiss on his forehead.

“You know my family is… powerful. They know things. I heard them speak about rumors. Just, things that no one wants to hear.”

Seungkwan shivered again. He didn’t want to believe what he was hearing. “But these are just baseless rumors, right? People love to talk.”

Vernon shook his head solemnly. “I’m afraid not. I don’t think Hoshi would lie to you.” He put his palm to Seungkwan’s chest in a gesture of comfort.

“I’m scared, Vernon,” Seungkwan whispered, now fully embraced by his friend’s arms.

Like this they sat for a while. Just Vernon embracing the smaller Gryffindor, holding him at his chest. Seungkwan could feel his friend’s relief. He knew Vernon had suspected something, hadn’t been sure what was wrong and why Seungkwan’d been distant.

Seungkwan could hide nothing from him. Vernon could read every nuance of his moods.

Now, Seungkwan’d finally confessed. No secrets, no lies between them anymore.

Still, Seungkwan couldn’t relax. Something was at the back of his mind. How was it that the Thestral wasn’t invisible to him like he was to Vernon?

Seungkwan’d never seen someone die.


	3. June 1996

“Do you really think skipping Herbology for the fifth time this month is a good idea?”

Vernon looked up, surprised. He hadn’t even heard the door open. “Where are Josh and Seok?”

“I asked them to step out so I could assassinate you,” Seungkwan said, rolling his eyes and pushing two heavy books on Vernon’s desk. 

“You’re not gonna let that go, are you?” Vernon thought he only thought it, but it slipped out. 

“Let it go?” Seungkwan chirped a brow. “You all looked at me like I was really gonna poison you on purpose. Except Lockhart. But that’s only because he’s too dumb. I think he was just running over to give me a lecture on spells and safety.”

“You know,” Vernon said, rubbing his eyes, “I kind of hate you sometimes.“

“Yeah, but you hate me less than anyone else does.”

For a moment, Vernon was stunned to silence by the near compliment.

“And the feeling’s mutual!” Seungkwan declared, as if to save them from having a moment. “You all done with your beauty rest, princess? Can we go now—you know, to the classes that we actually have to attend so we won’t be thrown out of school?”

Vernon laughed, an honest and deep-felt belly laugh. “Never said I won’t go.”

Seungkwan’s lips pursed and his movements halted midway as uncertainty took over. Vernon didn’t really get where the sudden hesitancy came from. “I don’t mean to be pushy.”

“Whatever,” Vernon said, shrugging his shoulders as he stood. “You’re right about, uh, my education being important and all that.”

Seungkwan’s voice melted into a lighter tone when he said, “Perfect! I think Hagrid wants us to collect some herbs this time. I already looked them up in the book you never care to read.”

He dragged Vernon forward, one hand clamped around Vernon’s wrist, the other widely gesturing in the air. 

They had Care of Magical Creatures, a subject that wasn’t necessarily important, so they could have ditched it, but Seungkwan wasn’t going to admit that, especially since he thought his point had to be made– Vernon did skip classes too regularly. 

The air was thick as hot soup, the ground spongy underfoot with mosses and fanning ferns, but there was no trail. Somewhere, songbirds that had yet to migrate south and onward were singing, only to be interrupted by a crow’s inelegant cawing. A twig crunched beneath Seungkwan’s foot.

He shot his best friend a worrying glance while following Hagrid through the verdant vibrancy of the forest. Vernon was drenched in sweat not unlike Seungkwan but somehow, he managed to still look cool, with his confident posture and spotless green robe. 

Vernon glanced over his shoulder with a pair of hazelnut eyes that narrowed pleasantly at the sight of Seungkwan. Even his blond hair seemed to shine brighter now, but still lost to the glimmer of his smile. “Do I have something on my face?” 

“I’ve just been thinking that you’re so busy lately.” Seungkwan threw his arm around Vernon’s shoulder, pulling his friend in. His lips stretched into a small grin that made his face look younger and mischievous around the little laughter lines that drew on the corner of his lips. “Is there something I should know?”

Vernon’s hand reached out to whatever it was behind his ear, and his fingers met with the soft touch of a flower’s petals. “Uh, I have that game coming up.”

Seungkwan’s eyes crinkled. “That’s no excuse for ignoring me.” 

“Well, I’m planning to win, Seungkwan,” Vernon said before his lips twitched into a smile.

Seungkwan gave his best friend a suspicious glance. “Define win.”

“You think we can’t win?”

“Not when Cheol is on the field.” 

“We don’t need him when we have Joshua.”

“Josh might be the best Chaser in the game but I’m telling you,” Seungkwan singsonged. He danced in a little circle, then waggled a finger in front of Vernon’s face. “You’ve got no chance this time.”

Vernon laughed aloud, delighted. It was an infectious sound. “We’ll see about that.” 

“Alright, kids!” Hagrid called out, and Seungkwan realized that they’d already arrived at Hagrid’s tiny hut. “Before we go into the forest to search for some herbs, I need your help with the roof again.” Hagrid shoved his hat back. Tipped his head up and studied the sky for a long while. “And I do believe I’ll try a circle”, he said. “Yuh, I reckon a circle might be best the thing.“ 

Seungkwan shot Vernon a look that said more than words could say, and Vernon kept back a fit of laughter only with effort. 

Hagrid was getting worse. With every hot summer day that passed, a little bit more of him seemed to… Seungkwan guessed _disappear_ was the best word for it. It was the rumors of the dark lord, he knew, and the lingering fear that had begun to take hold of everyone’s hearts that slowly but surely made the teacher lose his sanity. 

Before this summer, when no one spoke of the Dark Lord and everything felt safe, Hagrid had been different. Seungkwan could always make him laugh. Hagrid had chased him and Vernon around, or thrown them up over his head till they shrieked for him to stop. An he’d warn them about the wickedness of the world beyond Hogwarts. 

Seungkwan watched Hagrid of the corner of his eye while him and Vernon got on with repairs to the shanty roof of Hagrid’s hut. They always had to mend the damn thing.

Vernon worked on the roof while Seungkwan did what he always did, which is clamber up and down the ladder and hand Vernon what he needed. Uji, Hagrid's favourite crow and Seungkwan’s semi-pet, did what he always did, which is perch on Seungkwan’s shoulder and caw real loud, right in Seungkwan’s ear, to tell him what he was thinking.

“If we only understood crow talk, he could tell us a thing or two about the best way to fix a roof,” Seungkwan muttered. 

Venon’s head popped over the side of the roof. “I think I’m doing just fine,” he said. “Thank you very much.” 

Seungkwan shinned up the ladder onto the roof, pulling himself up step by step. “You know, this is probably the manliest thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

Vernon let out a laugh. “You’re too sweet, Seungkwan.” He gave the wood plank an extra hard whack with the hammer. 

“Although we could just look up a nice spell–“

“You heard what Hagrid said,” Vernon muttered.

“No magic.” Seungkwan set himself down on the roof so that his back leaned against Vernon’s. He liked it when they sat like this. He could feel Vernon’s voice rumble inside his body when he talked. 

They sat there for a bit, silent. Then, “Did you ever think about leaving?” Vernon asked. “There’s gotta be better place than this.”

“Better than Hogwarts?” Seungkwan scoffed. “I can’t imagine that.”

“Maybe in the past, but things are different now. There’s no reason to stay. We can’t just sit around waiting to die.”

“Where would you go?”

Vernon shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Anywhere, so long as it isn’t Hogwarts.“

“But we can’t. It’s too dangerous.” 

Now Vernon was shaking his head. “I swear, Boo, if I stay here, I’ll either go crazy or I’ll end up killing someone, preferably Umbridge. I need to go.“

Seungkwan turned, his hand searching for Vernon’s. “I’m coming with you,” he said with a small voice. He didn’t want to leave, would rather stay here with his best friend. 

“Of course,” Vernon said. “And we’re taking Josh and Seok with us.” 

“Seokmin won’t,” Seungkwan said. “He can’t leave Simba.”

“What do you mean?” Vernon asked. Then quieter, “The cat is dead.”

Seungkwan said, “What I mean is… she lived here with him, and in his mind, she’s still here. He can’t leave her memory behind.“

“But we’re the ones still alive,” Vernon argued. “You and me.”

“And Joshua,” Seungkwan added. “I know that. But you see how he is. She died just recently, and she was like a family member to him. He’s not over it yet.”

Vernon was quiet for a moment. Then he said, “Love makes you weak. Caring for somebody that much means you can't think straight. Look at Seokmin. Who’d want to end up like him? I’m never going love someone. It’s better that way.”

Seungkwan said nothing. He began tracing circles in the wood dust with his finger His gut twisted. Like a mean hand reached right inside him and grabbed it.

Then he asked, “What about me?”

“You’re my best friend,” Vernon explained. “That’s different.”

“But what if I died? You’d miss me, wouldn’t you?”

“Huh”, Vernon said. “Fat chance of you dying and leaving me in peace. Always following me everywhere, driving me nuts. Since the day I met you.”

“Not my fault that you’re the tallest thing around,” Seungkwan said. “You make a good sunshade.”

“Hey!” Vernon pushed Seungkwan onto his back.

Seungkwan pushed Vernon with his foot. “Hey yourself!” He propped himself up on his elbows. “Well”, he said, “would you?”

“What?”

“Miss me.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Vernon said, shaking his head, like he can't believe Seungkwan just said what he did.

Seungkwan kneeled in front of him. Vernon looked at him, unwavering.

“I’d miss you,” Seungkwan said. “If you died, I’d miss you so much, I’d wanna kill myself.”

“Don’t say stupid things, Kwannie,” Vernon said quietly. His lips were pressed together in a tight line. He got that look on his face again. 

“Promise me you won’t,” Seungkwan said, his eyes as blue as the summer sky. Blue as the clearest water. 

“Won’t what?”

“Die,” Seungkwan deadpanned. 

Vernon lowered his head, his cheeks colored a soft pink. “Everybody needs to die one day.” 

Seungkwan reached out to touch his face **.** Stroked Vernon’s cheek with the back of his hand. “Nonie, you wouldn’t ever leave without me, would you?”

“Of course not,” Vernon said, turning his face away. He hopped back on the ground, squinting at the sky. “But even if I did, you’d only follow me.”

“I will follow you… everywhere you go!” While saying it, Seungkwan made crazy eyes because it usually made Vernon laugh when he did that. “To the bottom of the lake,” he said, “… to the ends of the earth … to the moon … to the stars …!”

“Shut up!” Vernon leaped to his feet. “Bet you don’t follow me to skip rocks,” he yelled and ran off. 

“Hey!” Seungkwan called out. “Wait for me!”

They ran a fair way out onto the dry lakebed of The Black Lake before they entered water enough to skip stones. Seungkwan found a pretty good stone right away. He rubbed his fingers over its flat smoothness. Felt its weight.

“I got a lucky one here”, he told Vernon who was still hunting around to find one for himself. While he did that, Seungkwan started walking up and down on his hands. It was about the only thing he could do that Vernon couldn’t.

“You look funny upside down,” Seungkwan laughed. 

Vernon’s golden hair gleamed in the sun. His necklace caught the light. Seungkwan had found the little ring of shiny green glass in the forest, threaded it on a piece of leather and given it (only half-jokingly) to Vernon as a present. Vernon hadn’t took it off since. 

“Okay I got a good one,” Vernon called. 

Seungkwan went running over to take a look. “Not as good as mine,” he said. 

“I’m gonna skip eight today,” Vernon said. “I feel it in my bones.”

“In your dreams,” Seungkwan said. He whipped his arm back and sent the stone skimming over the water. It skipped once, twice, three times. Four, five, six …

“Seven!” Seungkwan roared. “Seven! Did you see that?” He could hardly believe it. He had never done more than five before. They played this game since once month now, since The Black Lake had started drying out.

“Sorry,” Vernon said. “I wasn’t looking. Guess you’ll have to do it again.”

“What! My best ever and you didn’t … you liar! You did see!” Seungkwan folded his arms over his chest. “Go on. Let’s see you do eight. Bet you can't.”

Vernon did seven. Then Seungkwan did his usual three. He had just pulled in his arm back for another try when, out a nowhere, Uji came swooping down at them, cawing his head off.

“Damn bird,” cursed Vernon. “He made me drop my stone.” He got on his knees to look for it.

“Go away!” Seungkwan said, flapping his hands at Uji. “Shoo, you bad boy! Go find somebody else to—”

A dust cloud appeared on the horizon. A black mountain of dust. It was so tall, it scraped against the sun. It was moving fast. Just that it wasn’t dust but a hoard of Dementors.

Headed straight at them.

“Uh … Vernon,” Seungkwan said. There must been something in his voice because Vernon looked up sharpish, dropped the stone in his hand, and got slowly to his feet.

“Holy crap,” he muttered. 

For a moment, they just stood there. Stood and stared at the masses of Dementors in the sky, all heading straight towards Hogwarts.

“Vernon…” Seungkwan muttered. “Are they going to attack Hogwarts?”

“I don’t know.” Vernon shook his head, and grabbed Seungkwan’s hand. “But let’s not stay here to find out.”

The next thing Seungkwan knew, everything went black.

The darkness split open with a bright ash. Seungkwan banged his head against the ground— hard. Tried to pull himself up but fell back. Dizzy. His head was spinning round and round. He groaned. Apparition had always been his least favorite form of transportation. 

“Kwannie!” Vernon yelled. “Are you okay?”

“Over here!” Seungkwan called out, his voice all thin and shaky. “I’m here!”

And then Vernon was there, kneeling beside Seungkwan and pulling him up to sit.

“Are you hurt?” he asked. “Are you okay?” He slipped his arm around Seungkwan, helped him to stand. Seungkwan’s legs felt all wobbly. 

“It knocked me of my feet, that’s all,” he said. Then, as they stood there, the dark rolled away. “How the hell did you do that?” he asked. Apparition was a difficult spell, only highly trained Wizards could perform it without being ‘splinched’, a process which referred to part of the caster’s body being left behind.

Vernon looked to the side. “My parents taught me how to do it,” he explained. This brought Seungkwan’s attention to the room they were standing in. It was a homey room with a crackling hearth, deep rugs, and stained wood furnishings. At the walls were no posters, no pictures either.

“Where are we?” he muttered.

“At my home,” Vernon explained. “It’s the only place I can apparate to safely. I lose concentration when it’s any other place.”

Seungkwan looked at his best friend like he’d just seen a ghost. How many more secrets did Vernon keep from him? What else did Seungkwan not know?

“We should go see my parents.” Vernon nodded to the door. “Maybe they have an idea what is going on at Hogwarts.”

Seungkwan followed him through a long, dark hallway. This place seemed to be a mansion by the looks of it, but Vernon didn’t hesitate. He strode forward confidently, familiar with this place like Seungkwan was with Hogwarts.

Vernon led them to a door with silver inlay. Four people waited inside. Three—a man, a woman and a girl—sat in tall-backed chairs at the hearth. One other man occupied the desk just inside the doors: Severus Snape. Seungkwan was shocked to see his potions professor here, he hadn’t been at Hogwarts for a while now. Nobody exactly knew where the disliked teacher had gone, but of course, nobody dared to question the Ministry.

Snape had obviously been arguing with the man that was sitting in one of the chairs; Seungkwan guessed him to be Vernon’s father. Both fell silent as Seungkwan and Vernon entered. They eyed them as if they were a cat that had just knocked over a fine vase.

“Vernon,” the woman said, and stood. She must be his mother, Seungkwan thought. “Are you alright?”

Vernon walked up to her, letting her hug him once. “We are. Not so sure about everyone else that is stuck at Hogwarts.”

His father frowned, eyes darting from Vernon to Seungkwan. “What happened?”

“Dementors,” Vernon explained. “I barely managed to get us out of there.”

“Ah…” Snape said. The man adopted an almost maternal expression, though it was laden with loathing—hidden poorly—and condescension. Vernon’s father and he exchanged a look.

“You didn’t know?”

Snape set his jaw. “It was planned for some time this year, but I didn’t expect it so soon. _He_ must have become impatient.”

Seungkwan shivered. He could see the fear in their faces, recognized that the conversation was about something he could not comprehend. These people knew about things, things that were dark and secret.

Vernon’s mother side eyed Seungkwan. “You brought one of your friends with you?”

Vernon took a step to the side, almost as to protect Seungkwan. Something about his back calmed Seungkwan’s nerves. “Yes,” Vernon muttered.

“He’s a half blood,” Snape sneered.

Vernon’s father shook his head. “Then he cannot stay here.” His eyes bored through Vernon. “He needs to leave immediately.”

“No.” Vernon did not waver. Behind him, Seungkwan shook in fear. “He’s my friend, and he will stay.”

“Oh, honey.” Vernon’s mother raised a hand to Vernon’s cheek. “You know it’s not possible for– “

“He has no other place to turn to. His parents are muggles, they can’t protect him. If he visits them, he only endangers his whole family.”

His mother bit her lips. Gazed at his father, exchanged a look.

“Alright,” Vernon’s father said. “He can stay here, for tonight. We’ll think about what to do with him tomorrow.”

Vernon took a step back, and his hand found Seungkwan’s. Vernon gazed at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze. It made Seungkwan feel a bit better, but his fear stayed with him long after. It kept him awake all night, made him turn a hundred times, until Vernon’s hand came to rest on his shoulder.

“Hey,” Vernon muttered. Seungkwan couldn’t see his friend’s face in the darkness, but he almost felt Vernon’s worried glance. 

Seungkwan had never known. Hadn’t known everything could be fine one moment and then the next moment so bad. Hogwarts was probably burned down to the ground by now. And his friends? Seungkwan wondered. He couldn’t be sure. Maybe they were able to flee in time, maybe they were dead now, maybe they were part of the Dark Lord’s army. 

Or maybe this was all a dream. A long terrible dream about dementors coming to Hogwarts. Maybe Seungkwan’ll wake up soon. He’ll tell Vernon about it and they’ll shake their heads about how stupid dreams could be.

“Seungkwan?“ Vernon’s voice. “Are you alright?”

“Huh?“

“You’ve been up all night.

Seungkwan turned. “How do you expect me to sleep?” he muttered, feeling hopeless.

“I’m sorry.” Vernon rubbed his hand over Seungkwan’s shoulders, down to his back. He knew his friend well, knew that Seungkwan needed touch for comfort. Still, it wasn’t enough.

“Our friends are still out there. We should search for them,“ he said. He lifted his stubborn chin.

Vernon knew that look. Seungkwan was set to cause trouble. “We need to stay here, “ he argued. “It’s the only safe place for us at the moment. We’re nothing against a bunch of dementors. “

“You don’t know that.“

“Listen,“ Vernon said. “You never met one. I did. They’re… scary. Hogwarts is a beautiful place, but it doesn’t teach its students anything about this. You know nothing about the world outside. We were so protected in Hogwarts… The world has become a dangerous place.“

Seungkwan could hear in Vernon’s voice that they would never be able to going back to Hogwarts. That life belonged to the past now.

“Once the worst is over,“ Vernon continued, trying to sound positive. “We will find us a new place to live. A better one.”

Seungkwan’s eyes filled with tears. “How can I believe you when you never told me about this. Your family– are they death eaters?”

“Of course, they aren’t.”

“Well, what the hells is going on then?”

Vernon sighed. “It’s late.”

Seungkwan shook his hand off. “If you want me to catch some sleep tonight then you better answer.”

“But you can’t tell anyone about this, Seungkwan. Do you understand?”

Seungkwan nodded. Vernon was so serious, it scared him.

“You have to promise me.”

“I promise,” Seungkwan whispered. This seemed to calm Vernon. He began to explain, “My parents work together with Snape. _Against_ the death eaters and you know who, _not_ with them. It’s complicated, and I can’t explain everything to you but you gotta believe me when I say that they mean no harm.”

They fell silent. After a moment, Seungkwan said, “Vernon?“

“What?“

“I got a bad feeling. I don’t know. I… I’m afraid.“

“What do you mean, afraid?“ Vernon put on a face like Seungkwan was stupid. He put his hand on Seungkwan’s waist, pulled him close. “With a friend like me beside your side?“

Seungkwan gave a little smile. “Aren’t you afraid?“

“Me?“ Vernon said. “Nope. I’m not scared of anything.“ He hesitated. “I’m going to take care of you, Seungkwan. Don’t worry.”

Seungkwan’s chest went all tight, and tears sprang into his eyes. 

“Seungkwan?” Vernon squeezed him gently on the waist.

Seungkwan sucked in a couple of deep breaths. He cursed his own weakness. Swiped at his eyes. “It’s nothing,” he said. 

They both fell quiet for a moment. 

“Thanks,” Seungkwan said. “I mean, for this and… well, everything.”

Vernon reached out to mess Seungkwan’s hair, but the Gryffindor ducked away. He turned, presenting Vernon with his back. He just needed some time to process this– the fact that his best friend had been keeping secrets from him, dark secrets, about his family, Hogwarts, the world. . . It was a lot to stomach for one evening.

Vernon’s hand came to rest comfortably on his waist. Seungkwan didn’t have the strength to push it off– besides, he liked Vernon’s warmth, his quiet nature of saying ‘I am here for you’. Like this, they fell asleep.

* * *

Seungkwan was surprised to find that the Chwe’s were quite nice and friendly people. Not that he’d expected Vernon’s parents to be evil and unwelcoming, but they held a certain type of reputation in the Wizarding World which spoke for itself. But indeed, their home was homey and comfortable, in an elegant and wealthy kind of way.

Seungkwan placed a silver spoon on the mahogany table. “But why can’t we just stay here?”

“It’s not safe. I told you that already.” Vernon sighed. His soup stood untouched Infront of him. He looked thinner today, more tired too. “You will only get dragged into this mess.”

“I’m already part of it,” Seungkwan said and frowned. “You should eat something,” he pointed at the soup.

Vernon dunked his spoon in the soup, took a sip of it. “You can still flee. No one will notice it.”

Seungkwan raised a brow. “You told your parents quite the opposite.”

“I said what I had to keep you here, at least for the night,” Vernon shrugged. “It might not be safe for you to visit your muggle family, but you could go visit another country. What do you think about Australia?”

“Borders don’t stop you know who. Australia or not, I can’t outrun him.”

Vernon pressed his lips together in exasperation but didn’t force the issue. Seungkwan watched him eat, thinking. He knew Vernon was worried; he wanted Seungkwan safe.

“I don’t think he’d be that interested in a stupid little mudblood, though,” he told Vernon, hoping it would lift his friend’s spirit. Vernon gave him a half-smile. It was more forced than anything.

“If you say so.”

Vernon left after lunch, said he had something to care of, and he would be coming back around dinner time. Seungkwan just nodded and felt numb. Old Seungkwan would have refused, would have asked questions and demanded answers. But now it felt like there was so much Seungkwan didn’t know, so much he hadn’t understood– and Vernon didn’t seem keen on telling him, for whatever reason.

* * *

After some time, Seungkwan found the library. There was nothing much else to do in a Wizarding House, even if it was a mansion as prestigious and fancy as the Chwe’s. After all, Wizwards did not possess such handy devices as TV’s, laptops or phones. All things Seungkwan had left in Hogwarts with his other belongings– clothes, schoolbooks, herbs and his potions.

The library was beautiful. Dark polished shelves shone in the light from the big glass windows. There were hundreds of books arrayed along them. In the middle of the room was a table, with maps and journals spread on it.

Mr. Chwe was up a ladder. “Ah, Seungkwan!” he said from overhead. He scrambled down and jumped the last few rungs. His pale eyes were full of light when he smiled. “I’m so glad to see you up and about,” he said, ushering Seungkwan into a high-backed chair before Seungkwan could object.

“You’re working?” Seungkwan asked, not wanting to disturb the man.

“I’m always happy to have company. Especially if it’s a captive audience.” Mr. Chwe winked and went back to his work.

Seungkwan leaned back in the chair, which was near as comfortable as a soft bed, and watched the man dart around his polished bookshelves, pulling down this book and that one. He did research, Seungkwan realized soon. What for, he could not guess. He had found himself a potion book– one about the good ones, those which Snape refused to teach– and figured it was not in his place to ask.

Still, after around an hour of reading, he could not hold back anymore, “What exactly are you searching for, if I may ask?”

Mr. Chwe looked up from one of his books. It lay, spread on the table which stood in the middle of the room. “Well,” the man said, brushing a grey hair out of his face. “I suppose there’s no harm in telling you.” He pointed at the book in front of him. “This is a Dark Arts reference book, written in the early middle ages by Godelot.“

Seungkwan gazed at it, “Who’s Godelot?”

“He was an unpleasant dark wizard that you will thankfully never have to meet,” Mr. Chew explained. “He wrote down this collection of dangerous spells.”

Seungkwan shivered. Suddenly, he felt the urge to leave. Mr. Chwe seemed to notice his change in demeanor. “Oh, no. Don’t worry,” he laughed. “I’m searching for something entirely else.”

“You do?” Seungkwan stood and took some small steps closer to the table. This book exuded a sense of power and darkness that made him approach carefully.

“Horcruxes, Seungkwan.” Mr. Chwe closed the book before Seungkwan could read as much as one word. His smile had faded. “Have you heard of them before?”

Seungkwan shook his head.

“Their very nature is so terrible, they have been kept secret from most of the Wizarding World, and very few people are ever made aware of their nature.” He dragged a hand over the book. “A Horcrux is an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul... Well, you split your soul, you see, and hide part of it in an object outside the body. Then, even if one's body is attacked or destroyed, one cannot die, for part of the soul remains earthbound and undamaged.”

Seungkwan shuddered. He could not believe his ears.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“It’s not that I don’t…” Seungkwan shook his head. “It just sounds…”

“Unbelievable?” Mr. Chwe smiled. “Oh yes. Only a very wicked and dark wizard would attempt such a thing.”

Seungkwan stared at him. He knew what Mr. Chwe was talking about, or rather _whom._ “That’s how he survived,” Seungkwan whispered.

Mr. Chwe held his gaze, nodded slowly. His lips were tight and bloodless. If Vernon had been truthful, Seungkwan finally understood.

“I need to go,” he muttered under his breath before turning to the exist of the library, taking big long strides towards it. He had to get out, had to bring some distance between himself and that book.

“Are you alright, boy?” Mr. Chwe called after him but Seungkwan did not hear him. His mind was entirely elsewhere.

* * *

That evening when Vernon came home, Seungkwan didn’t give his friend even a minute to take off his shoes. He grabbed Vernon by the arm and dragged him upstairs, ignoring his friend’s protests.

He banged the door shut, and Vernon against it. Stared him down like Seungkwan was a predator, and Vernon his prey. “I get it now,” he said. “You know who was never killed in the first Wizarding War. He used an Horcrux or whatever to stay alive and now he’s coming back, ready to kill everyone who betrayed him. Snape and your family must be scared shitless. Slytherins who don’t follow the dark lord?” Seungkwan shook his head. “That’s a death sentence. That’s why your parents and he work together, am I right?”

Vernon gulped. He looked pale in the evening light. He loomed so great in Seungkwan's vision, all shadows. He filled Seungkwan up, his whole world, a moon obliterating the light of any other star. 

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Seungkwan asked, impatient, too impatient.

“I have many things to say,” Vernon muttered, and Seungkwan angled his body towards him, like a boy following a kite, ready to snatch it back if the wind threatens to take it away. But Vernon wasn’t a kite and he wasn’t someone who can be swayed by the wind. “But I’m not going to apologize.”

His words were met with glacial silence.

“I did what I did to protect you,” Vernon said. He took Seungkwan’s face in his hands and Seungkwan tried to jerk away but Vernon’s hold was steady, strong. He rubbed his thumbs over Seungkwan’s cheeks.

Seungkwan hissed. “The only thing I don’t understand is what Dumbeldor’s Army has to do with all this.”

Vernon stilled. “Did dad tell you about this?”

“No.” Seungkwan pouted. He dragged Vernon’s hands down, away from his face, away from his heart. Crossed his hand in front of his chest. “Hoshi told me.”

“Hoshi?” Vernon blinked, bewildered. “Seungkwan, tell me exactly what Hoshi told you and when.”

Vernon looked so serious that Seungkwan shivered. He relaxed his arms, shrugged. “I’ve met him this spring. At Hogsmeade, remember? I told you about this.”

Vernon nodded solemnly. “Go on.”

“He said his dad would talk about Dumbledore’s Army, that they were preparing for the worst, or something like that.”

“That’s all?”

Seungkwan nodded, “Yes.”

Vernon’s shoulders relaxed. Exhausted, he let himself fall on his bed. “You scared me,” he muttered.

“No, you scared me,” Seungkwan said. He threw himself on top of Vernon, squeezing the boy against himself; he could feel Vernon flow towards him like water pouring from one glass to another.

“Seungkwan,” Vernon breathed. “You’re heavy.”

Seungkwan kicked him in the sides. “You’ll survive it.”

“Ouch.”

Seungkwan took Vernon’s hand. Intertwined their fingers. He liked how it looked: his small, fragile one’s carefully held by Vernon’s long fingers. “Are you going to keep lying to me?” he asked.

Vernon sighed. “Dumbeldor’s Army is a secret organization that opposes Death Eaters. My parents joined them a few months ago.”

“Snape too?” Seungkwan breathed against Vernon’s chest. He could feel his friend nod.

Seungkwan puffed his cheeks. “You could have told me, you know that? I’m not a stupid kid.”

Vernon’s arm found its way around his waist. “I know,” he said quietly. “I wanted to tell you, trust me. I want to tell you a lot of things, Seungkwan.”

“Well, why don’t you?”

Vernon sighed again, long and drawn out, and his nails digged into the skin of Seungkwan’s waist through the fabric. “It’s just difficult… I don’t want us to change, I think. I want us to stay stupid teenagers who don’t have to worry about such things as death and war.”

Seungkwan nuzzled his face closer to Vernon’s nape. He breathed in Vernon’s smell, closed his eyes. His heartbeat stilled; his muscles relaxed. “I already worry so much,” he muttered. “All the time.”

Vernon’s hand comes to pet him on the head. “I know,” he laughed sourly. He sounded sad, regretful. “That’s why you don’t need to be worrying about this stuff too.”

Seungkwan sucked on his lower lips. Thought about what Vernon said. How could he not worry about the things that upset Vernon? How could he not want to know about everything that was going on inside his friend’s mind? Vernon’s problems were Seungkwan’s problems too, after all.

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” he muttered against Vernon’s neck. He seemed to be sensitive there, because he jerked slightly at the touch.

“There are things you hide from me too,” Vernon said. One of his hands came up and followed the curve of Seungkwan’s back, lingering on his neck. Vernon had never touched him, never like this. 

“I don’t mean to,” Seungkwan said. “I always want to share everything with you. It’s just been some really rough months.” He sobbed, but he wasn‘t crying– yet. His lips trembled.

Vernon wrapped his arms around him, feeling him tense and relax and tense again.

“We’re going to win this war,” Seungkwan muttered. “I know it. We’re all going to stick together. You and me and Seokmin and the other wizards.”

“We should’ve left a long time ago,” Vernon sighed, suddenly pulling away. He considered Seungkwan for a moment, his expression unreadable. “You should have stayed away from me, like I told you to.”

“I know,” Seungkwan said, thinking no way in hell he would’ve stopped being friends with Vernon just because he was a Slytherin. _The boy has bad blood_ , that’s what he heard others whisper. “But I’m stubborn. Like you.”

They looked at each other. Then they smiled. 

“Yeah,” Vernon said. “I guess you are right about that. Listen, Boo, I … I’m sorry. I know I’ve been cold since... everything happened. I don’t mean anything by it, you know that, don’t you? It’s just … I’m worried about my family. Worried that … that maybe we won’t—”

“I know,” Seungkwan said. “I worry about my mother too. Just like I worry about you. I couldn’t hardly stand it back in Hogwarts. Every day, I was so afraid that something would happen, and you’d die or leave me.”

“I won’t leave you,” Vernon said. “I promise.” He sighed. “I’m gonna try to be a better friend to you, Kwannie.”

“It’s okay,” Seungkwan whispered. He leaned his head on Vernon’s chest, stiffly, explored his back with trembling hands. “You don’t have to. I’m used to you the way you sometimes are.“

“I won’t change overnight.”

“I never asked you to.”

“It will be difficult.”

Seungkwan laughed through his tears, snorted against Vernon’s shirt. It didn’t seem to bother his friend. He just pulled him closer, and Seungkwan fell asleep, embraced by the only person in the world that could make him feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof, a lot of angst in this one. hope you still enjoyed it? 
> 
> I have at least two more chapters planned (so far). I hope I can finish it in time, but uni just started again recently so I'm not totally sure if I can manage to update regularly. I am not abandoning this one though! Don't worry.
> 
> -Credit for the lovely art goes to my friend sun on tw https://twitter.com/oresthia/status/1331642043760668673


	4. July 1996

It was way after midnight when Seungkwan woke. He blinked into the darkness, trying to remember where he was– ah, yeah. Vernon’s home. He looked to the side, and squinting his eyes, he could make out the silhouette of a tall boy sleeping on the bed next to him.

Seungkwan needed to pee. Stepping into the corridor quietly, he closed the door behind himself. He mumbled a spell and his wand lit up. Seungkwan knew the toilets were somewhere at the right, he just had to go straight forward until. . .

A crash came from one floor up. There was no sound of a voice accompanying it. Seungkwan shuddered. _Calm down_ , he told himself. _Probably just the cat._

Then, he heard the floorboards creak from the weight of a person walking. The sounds of heavy boots were coming closer and closer. Trembling, Seungkwan raised his wand. He moved, towards the noises, so slowly it felt like he was swimming through mud.

“Hello?” His voice sounded shaky and high through the corridor. Nothing moved. Seungkwan couldn’t make out a single sound besides his own beating heart.

Then the corridor filled, and Seungkwan looked into a familiar face.

“Hoshi?”

The boy stood in front of him, glooming silverly white in the darkness. His face was a lighter color than Seungkwan’d ever seen.

“I won’t hurt you,” he said softly. “I have waited for this hour. “

Seungkwan said nothing. He looked, intently, at his old friend. He could hardly bear his face. He wanted to run to Hoshi and be held, but no, no, never again. Never. You couldn’t hug a ghost, Seungkwan knew that. He did it his best not to sob, not to cry for his friend but he knew it would happen anyway, like gravity, like falling a long way.

Seungkwan didn’t want to speak. But the weight of those months spent looking behind him, not noticing the silver footsteps at his back, oh, that weight sat heavy on Seungkwan’s shoulders.

“I knew something was off,” he muttered. “I knew it!” The tears were already forming, he could feel it.

Hoshi was utterly calm. “It’s not so bad, Seungkwan. Being dead. It’s like being alive, only colder. Things taste less. They feel less. You forget, little by little, who you were.“ A ghostly smile hung on his lips.

“Why…” Seungkwan started but could not finish. He tried again, “Why are you here?”

“I cannot leave unless you let me. Someday, I’ll forget who you are but still cling to you because of habit, and all I’ll know is that I’ve always clung to this boy with black hair, whoever he is.”

A tear spilled from Seungkwan’s eye. “You need me to forget you?”

“No,” Hoshi said. “I need you to let me go. That’s a different story.”

Seungkwan shook his head. “I don’t understand,” he sobbed.

“You should have let me go when I visited you the first time. I came to you so you would let me go, but you refused.”

“What?” Seungkwan stared at his friend, no, the ghost. Whatever was left from Hoshi, it was barely human.

“In Hogsmeade, don’t you remember?” Hoshi leaned his head to the side. “But you knew I was lying to you.”

“And will you tell me the truth now?”

Hoshi nodded. “I died with my family, Seungkwan. They knew things were getting dangerous and that they had to leave, disappear from the radar for a while. The night of the ball, they made me leave Hogwarts. But we couldn’t hide from _him.”_

Tears streamed down Seungkwan’s face. He chased after his breath, caught it, calmed it, “Thank you, Hoshi.”

He could not imagine how much his friend must have suffered, even in his death. Seungkwan had kept him around, had forced him to relive the trauma just because of his own pain. Because Seungkwan needed to know. Because Hoshi was Seungkwan’s best friend and he loved him.

“And I thank you,” Hoshi said. His edges were already fading.

“Wait!” He spread his hands. “How can I live with this? How can I go on knowing I will never see you again? Hoshi…”

“You will live as you’ve lived before,” Hoshi said. He reached out his hand as if to grasp Seungkwan’s, then closed his fingers, as if Seungkwan’s hand were in his. 

Then he was gone.

* * *

Vernon’s parents did not take it well when their son walked into their rooms that morning, messy hair that pointed in all directions, and white t-shirt wrinkled and messy as if someone had cried into it, telling them that Seungkwan’d seen a ghost last night.

After they heard that Hoshi and his family had died, their faces paled, and they did not speak so much as a word. Vernon went back into his room to comfort his friend; whose face was all swollen and red.

It was that evening that Vernon’s parents confronted them with their decision: they would send them away, both of them. To a faraway island, Vernon’s mother’d explained, teary-eyed but determined. She hadn’t accepted a no.

And that’s how Seungkwan and Vernon ended up packing some of their belongings in a bag – toothbrushes, clothes, a bracelet – before they threw a bit of floo powder into the Chwe’s fireplace and walked through the emerald green flames.

At the other side, a woman was waiting for them. She was wearing a knitted cardigan over her flowered dress, and as soon as she saw them, her face light up.

“Vernon,” she said, embracing her nephew and kissing him on the cheek. “It’s so good to see you!”

Seungkwan gets a cold handshake, and a forced smile but he was too tired – emotionally and physically – to care. He brought their belongs into the room Aunt Chwe had assigned them. 

Seungkwan placed two photos on the dresser. Separate portraits of his parents, and a picture of the whole family together. Looking at his parents and feeling incredibly sad, Seungkwan could hear Vernon and his aunt chatting in the kitchen.

He needed to get out, breathe some fresh air, Seungkwan decided. Quietly, he sneaked down the stairs and took the back door that thankfully wasn’t locked. The view that presented himself knocked out the air from his lungs: In front of him was the endless ocean, with dark clouds forming a ceiling over the water, and gray cliffs extending along the edge of the ocean. 

In the distance, just barely visible, there was the brown silhouette of a sail against the backdrop of sea and sky. _The end of the world, Seungkwan thought. This must be the end of the world._

A warm arm made its way around his shoulder, and looking up, Seungkwan was presented with Vernon’s red nose. He bopped it lightly and felt it was cold from the fresh air.

“Already sneaking around, are you?” Vernon’s dark voice rumbled through Seungkwan’s chest. He pressed his nose where Vernon’s pale neck met the hem of his shirt. He was cold there too, Seungkwan felt it as he closed his eyes against him.

“You’re going to catch a cold, Nonie,” he muttered, his lips slightly caressing the cold skin. Vernon twitched lightly at the touch but didn’t pull back.

Vernon said nothing. Just held Seungkwan around the waist. His chest offered some warmth and when Seungkwan looked up at the sky and the sea, he felt a bit lighter. He wondered, as his teeth took cold from the wind, if there could would be a time again without this running in the night, this fleeing, this hurtling into dark lands.

“I wanted to protect you,” Vernon suddenly muttered. “Now it has come to this.”

Seungkwan gazed at him, curiously taking in his friend’s poker face. He longed to raise up his arms and have Vernon lift him and twirl him as he used to, when they were young together at Hagrid’s hut. But now it seemed, that time laid very far in the past.

“It’s not your fault,” he told his friend. He’d never seen Vernon this serious as he’d been these past weeks.

“I feel like it is though.” Vernon sighed. His chest moved against Seungkwan, made him conscious of his friend’s heartbeat, the hard nipples that poked through his shirt.

“Are you _you know who_?” Seungkwan raised a brow. “No? Okay, then shut up. Unless you are out there killing people, I don’t want to hear it.”

Vernon’s lips slightly pulled up, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“What?” Seungkwan pressed on. “What is it? Spill.”

Vernon took a deep breath and exhaled, releasing a puff of smoke that lingered in the cold, still air for a moment before dissipating against the grey sky. His arms tighten around Seungkwan with the urgency of a drowning man grasping for safety.

“I always held my distance from people,” he started, eyes far away in the distance. Far away from Seungkwan, but his heart wasn’t, Seungkwan could feel it. “I knew my family wasn’t normal and that I wasn’t either. Besides, I never much had an interest in anyone.”

He took a breath, and Seungkwan tightened his arms around Vernon, digging into his shoulders. He didn’t know who was keeping whom from sinking, just that, together, they were still floating somehow.

“I made friends later, at Hogwarts. Well, Joshua at least. But we didn’t talk… about things that really mattered. And I was certain I could live without him if I had to. Things were still safe.”

Seungkwan lifted his hand to play with Vernon’s ears, tugged at the earlobe, caressed the cold skin. Vernon’s eyebrows were draw together now, and Seungkwan did not like his friend’s worry, his anxiety. He pressed an airy kiss where Vernon’s hair met his face.

Vernon turned his head and considered Seungkwan for a moment. Their noses so close that they were almost touching.

“What?” Seungkwan mumbled.

“I wasn’t prepared for you, that’s all.” Vernon’s eyes became glossy. “I thought I could keep it casual but. . . it didn’t work.”

He leant his face against Seungkwan’s, his eyelashes a featherlight touch on Seungkwan’s cheeks. He followed the line of Seungkwan’s jaw with his nose. His lips were too close.

Seungkwan felt awkward all of a sudden, and tried to laugh, but it was just pushing air out with his nose. He was too tense for it to be a real laughter. “That doesn’t mean you can’t protect me; it just means you have a real reason to.”

Vernon stopped to look at him. “What?” His voice was low, calm.

Seungkwan ignored the boiling anxiety in his stomach. _Fearless_ , he told himself. _Be fearless like Hoshi._

“You kept your distance from others because you assumed that it would be in their best interest. I get that. But for me. . . it would be way worse to be not close to you anymore than to be in danger. I’d rather be your friend and fight against _you know who_ , together.”

Vernon swallowed. Then, he leaned in.

Seungkwan’s eyes fluttered close when Vernon kissed him.

All it took was the feeling of Vernon‘s lips. All it took was Vernon‘s sigh, against Seungkwan’s lips, as if he too was waiting just for this. Seungkwan could lie to himself, call them best friends and nothing more, but just like that the curtain fell– and Seungkwan could finally kiss Vernon back like it was the only thing he ever wanted to do. (It was.)

“I don’t want to be your friend right now,” Vernon said, against his lips, and his fingertips were cold, but they warmed up just fine against Seungkwan’s skin. Vernon’s words, too, were warming up, and soon enough they would be too hot, feverish, and breathless against Seungkwan’s throat, words that bite and bruise and kiss.

“Okay,” Seungkwan sighed, and Vernon circled him with his arm, drawing him closer to his chest. What followed was a chaste, lingering kiss, lips on lips, no more than panting on each other’s mouths.

“Bed,” Seungkwan demanded, still afraid Vernon would catch a cold in the evening air, and Vernon nodded, grimaced when he had to let Seungkwan go and walk.

“You freaking scared me,” he said, when Seungkwan pushed him onto the bed. He landed on his back, splayed on the bed like a starfish, and Seungkwan pulled Vernon’s t-shirt over his head, letting it fall on the floor before he climbed on top of him.

“Did I?”

“When you wouldn’t tell me what was going on with you,” Vernon’s hands wandered on his back, slipping under the hem of Seungkwan’s sweater. “When you told me about Hoshi. When I realized you were in danger. Always scaring me...”

Seungkwan sighed when Vernon’s hands pulled at his sweater and then at the shirt underneat, until it was falling open, the buttons giving up at the pressure. It carelessly slid down his shoulders, bunching up on his nape when Seungkwan arcs his back and grinded down on Vernon, hard. Electric stars exploded behind his closed eyelids as he threw his head back and moaned.

“I didn’t think you would care so much,” he said, when there was enough air in his lungs, and the words were still choked and breathless.

“Of course, I do.” Vernon pulled him down to kiss him again, the friction not enough to give them real pleasure, not with all the fabric still keeping them apart. Vernon moaned, low and exasperated, trying to pull both at Seungkwan’s blue jeans and his own.

“Well, it was me who sought you out so how should I know— Ah!”

Vernon palmed Seungkwan’s dick through the fabric, sending jolts of excitement through his spine. Seungkwan’s eyes fluttered shut. He moaned, dazed, almost on autopilot, because this, the slide of his chest against Vernon’s, Vernon’s fingers curled on the small of his back, his hips twitching to ride Vernon’s thigh, this was easy. It was the easiest thing in the world.

“Fuck, Seungkwannie, pants off,” Vernon said in a long exhale, pulling at Seungkwan’s hair to get him up. “Pants off, come on,” and Seungkwan wiggled in his lap one last time – Vernon tugging at his hair again, a mild warning – before he kicked his pants and underwear away, not caring where they would land.

“I wouldn’t have let you go after me if I wasn’t interested,” Vernon said, curling his fingers on Seungkwan’s shoulder. “Come here.”

His skin shone like gold under the soft light of the bed lamp and his eyes are hooded and black, beckoning to Seungkwan. 

Seungkwan hooked a hand on his hip, his palm smooth against the rough surface of a scar Vernon got when he was fourteen. He knows this body, its planes and its curves, the secret places where Vernon’s skin was tender and white like milk and the harshness where his bones jut, stretching the skin.

“I’d never let anyone else touch me like that,” Vernon breathed, and Seungkwan giggled, exhilarated, his hand going lower. He began pumping him slowly, lazily. He dragged his nails on the underside and Vernon gritted his teeth, twitching in Seungkwan’s hands.

Seungkwan took him in his hand, jerked him fast and messy, and Vernon seemed to like it. He swatted Vernon’s hand away when he tried to reciprocate the favor. Instead, he pulled him up for another kiss, tilting his head to lick against the roof of Vernon‘s mouth.

When Seungkwan let go, Vernon smiled, crooked and brilliant. He said, low and yearning, “I’d really like to flip you over right now.” 

And Seungkwan let him, allowed Vernon to hold him down, one hand on his hip, one on his throat, not quite cutting his air, just putting pressure. And he moaned when Vernon started to pound into him until he forgot how to ask for more.

“You okay?” Vernon pulled himself up and locked his hands on Seungkwan’s back, caging him.

“Alright,“ Seungkwan murmured, letting his head loll on Vernon’s shoulder, kissing the skin with his words. “Don't worry.“

Vernon's shoulders dropped a notch. 

"That was really nice."

Seungkwan hummed against his skin. "Yes, for me too."

"Should we...?" Vernon frowned, shook that thought out of his head. He let himself fall onto the bed, head first into the pillows. 

They were still friends, still the old same. It just felt right to have his first time with Seungkwan. Of course, it did. It didn't mean that they had to redefine everything between them and give it a name, a label. They both knew, anyways. Whatever they had always came natural. Why overcomplicate this?

He closed his eyes, tired (but not tired of Seungkwan, who he pulled close a moment later, pressing his nose deep into the dark strands of hair, breathing the boy in.)

* * *

Seungkwan sensed something was wrong even before his brain was awake enough to remember what. He pressed his eyes tight shut, trying to stay asleep, listening to Vernon’s deep breaths next to him, concentrating on the warmth of his arm that rested comfortable on Seungkwan’s stomach. But he couldn’t.

Sunlight trickled through the crack between the curtains. Seungkwan could hear footsteps and clatter from the kitchen. 

Seungkwan turned his head to look at the photos on the dresser. His mother was smiling, his father was looking gravely at him from behind his glasses. He sat up in bed, pulling his knees to his chest.

 _I can do this,_ he thought. _Everything will be fine. I have Vernon by my side._

After breakfast, Aunt Chwe hushed them both out of the house, saying that young boys should get a healthy dose of fresh air and sunlight. Vernon shrugged and said it couldn’t hurt to take a look at the small town.

The sky was blue today, the weather pleasant. Vernon and Seungkwan walked up the hill, fingers intertwined, passing by some smaller houses and when Seungkwan leaned himself against a fence to rest, a group of teenagers biked past. 

They stopped when they noticed them, staring at Seungkwan and Vernon. One of them said something to the others. They all laughed, but their faces were cold and their eyes filled with furry.

"Filthy death eaters," he overhead one of them saying. 

So this was how it was like to be a Chwe, a Slytherin. Rumored to be one of the bad guys.

“What do they want,” he asked uneasily. “Are they going to try to hurt us?

“Oh, no,” Vernon said firmly. “They’re harmless.” He pulled Seungkwan along, away from the group of strangers.

“We could try and see if the water is warm enough to swim,” he said. “What do you think?”

“I think you’re insane,” Seungkwan said. “It was shivering cold yesterday.”

Vernon pretended to be offended and poked Seungkwan‘s nose, carefully pushing the sweaty hair away from his forehead. “Yeah, well, today’s hot. We could try.”

Seungkwan laughed. That’s how Vernon was like– always up for a challenge, always eager to try something new. Even it was dangerous. Even if it was stupid. Seungkwan’s eyes focused on his friend’s lips. Remembered the night before, when Vernon had so eagerly kissed him. Was it like that between them, too? Was Seungkwan the cold sea that Vernon would drown in?

“Without me, Vernon.” He shook his head. “Go ahead, if you really want to die.”

Vernon just giggled.

* * *

Aunt Chwe decided it was okay for Seungkwan to write letters. One a month, she’d said and Seungkwan felt so happy he could’ve cried. And so he wrote his mother, told her that he was safe, that she shouldn’t worry. He could not give her more details, but he was glad to be able to at least tell her that. 

He found a special place at the beach where little flowers were pushing their way up between the rocks, and decuded to take one, careful not to draw blood.

 _One for Vernon_ , he thought. It might bring some softness into their room. 

“Come in for a fitting,” Aunt Chwe called from inside. She was making Seungkwan a dress for the midsummer festival. It was an ordinary white dress, nothing special, with a red ribbon in the back but the thought was that counter. It was the first thing Aunt Chwe actually made for Seungkwan and it showed that she did like him, at least a little bit.

“Ow!” Seungkwan complained when Aunt Chwe accidentally poked him while inserting a pin. He had to remind himself to stand still and to not fiddle around, even though he really wanted to. He was so excited and happy and nervous. The mix of emotions was a perfect cocktail for disaster.

It was only that evening when Seungkwan presented his dress to Vernon that his nerves cooled down and he was able to relax his shoulders and put on a sweet smile. He extended his hands, making a few piruetttes before coming to an halt infront of his friend.

“Wow,” Vernon muttered, gazing at him. “A dress?”

“Yeah, why not?” Seungkwan grinned. He quite liked the way his friend was looking at him now, it made his cheek heat a bit.

At the festival, the speech to all the wizards in the community seemed endless. A man talked forever about the “dark shadow of war across the Wizarding World,” encouraging everyone to stick together and not loose hope because of “these terrible times.“

Vernon stood next to him, one hand lazily resting around Seungkwan’s waist, lips mumbling some kind of song that Seungkwan hasn’t heard of. When the celebrational music began, Seungkwan had to elbow him in the side.

“The joined everyone else in singing the traditional song and Vernon’s voice was low and quiet, but Seungkwan could clearly make it out amongst the other voices. It seemed as if Vernon was singing just for Seungkwan, his warm voice almost whispering right into Seungkwan’s ears.

Vernon caught him staring, and a smile bloomed on his face, one that reached his golden eyes that seemed to be sparkling in the sun. Seungkwan thought that these dark times didn’t feel so dark at all standing next to a boy that shone like the sun. 

He forgot, in that moment, that Seungkwan himself with his black hair and looming anxiety was the moon, and that the night would arrive soon, and that everything would be taken away from him. The sun and the moon could not exist like this, next to each other, embraced, happy, Seungkwan decided afterwards. It was just not possible. That was why the plan shouldn't work out, why Vernon was taken from him, why Seungkwan ended up all by himself. 

But not today. Today, he was holding Vernon's hand, and they were singing. Together. 


	5. Autumn & Winter 1996

Aunt Chwe loved her peace and quiet, got nervous when it was too loud, so Vernon and Seungkwan quickly learned to whisper even when they were talking to each other, to tiptoe through the corridors and hold the doors until they clicked back into place.

That’s why it surprised Vernon when his Aunt barged into the kitchen, slamming the door open later that night. Seungkwan was already sleeping upstairs, and Vernon noticed his eyes drew to the stairways like they had a life on their own– or was he just unconsciously worried about his friend?

His aunt grabbed him by the shirt, panting, and said, “They are coming for you,” and Vernon’s heart fell.

“How much time do we have?” he asked, keeping his voice even.

Vernon saw the panic in his Aunt’s eyes, the dread of what was to come.

“A few minutes, maybe more.”

Vernon felt like his heart was shrinking down, folding up, all the golden light dissolving into dust, like the lit coal at the tip of a candle when no fire could be found. He stood, all tall and broad chested, eyebrows drawn together; determined.

He took his Aunt’s hand, felt its sweatiness and coldness, and pulled her with him out of the house, leaving his heart on the doorstep. He hurried his steps as he made his way up the little hill, _go go go_ , knowing that this was his only chance to protect Seungkwan. His aunt submitted to his strong grip, already aware of his plans. She knew, but as a proud Chwe and a true Slytherin, she didn't fear the five dark figures who stood by the woods.

Vernon did, but not enough to stop. Black birds like scraps of bark flew up in whorls behind him. The smell of the forest pricked at his cheeks, redding them. From the circle of black figures, one stepped forward, wand directed right at him, “Identify yourself, boy.”

Vernon would recognize that voice anywhere– this woman was Bellatrix Lestrange. She was infamous for having been a committed follower of the dark lord during the first Wizarding War. She’d never stopped preaching his philosophy, even after he was defeated. And now she stood before Vernon, crazy eyes and big curly hair.

“My name is Vernon Chwe. I believe you’re looking for me.” His voice was steady, not a hint of fear or nervousness was to be found in it. He looked at Bellatrix like one of her men would, cold face, eyes focused– just the craziness, he could not produce. It was enough to impress her.

“Oh, what a darling you are!” she grinned. She eyed-up his Aunt, pulling her face into a grimace. “And who’s this old lady?”

The men behind her fall into laughter– dirty and retched. Vernon’s poker face didn’t falter. “That’s my aunt,” he explained. He didn’t know if he could save her too.

Bellatrix chirped a brow and took a few lazy steps around Vernon. She stopped in front of his aunt, leaning forward as if to see better in the dark. The light of her wand painted her face a bright white.

“I see, I see,” she said, clicking her tongue. “You’re old. What are we supposed to do with you, huh?”

Vernon glazed at his aunt and saw her stubbornness. She had nothing but her pride to protect.

“You are mistaken,” she said, before she spit a heavy bit of salvia into Bellatrix’s face. “I’d rather die than become one of you scum.”

“Whore!” Bellatrix wand was brutal. Vernon wanted to look away but didn’t. Wiped one lonely tear off his cheek. He owned this to his Aunt– at least she wasn’t alone in her death.

“So,” Bellatrix turned, placing a hand on Vernon’s shoulder, her fingers like claws of a beast. “What about you, my darling? You seemed so sure of yourself just now. Did this make you change your mind?”

“No.” Vernon shook his head, holding Bellatrix stare.

“Your hand,” she sneered.

Vernon obeyed. He held his right hand out for her, but she grabbed his left and pulled up the sleeves of his shirt, undressing soft white baby skin. Innocent; milk.

Bellatrix pressed her wand where his blue veins shone through the skin, and Vernon cried out in pain, could barely suppress it a moment after it. _Hold it in, coke it down, don’t wake him._

He hissed, and Bellatrix laughed, showing off her collection of yellow teeth. “Almost finished, sweetheart,” and then the pain stopped, freed Vernon from the torture.

His eyes shot down to his hand, seeing his tattoo for the first time: a black skull, with a serpent protruding from its mouth like a tongue.

“Perfect,” Bellatrix giggled, finally letting him go, and taking a few steps back. Her followers seemed to agree, grinning in applause. Vernon felt sick to his stomach.

Clapping her hands together, Bellatrix announced, “Time to go, my loves! The lord doesn’t like when we’re wasting precious time.” She was so giddy, so full of life Vernon almost grimaced.

He glanced behind his back, down the hill and towards the little house that stood close to the shore. Then he took in the town– pale red trees closed it, and much rich-smelling smoke from well-made chimneys and aged, crisp wood was rising up to the very clear evening sky, which looked like nails in a strong, black roof. He heard wolves howl in the forest and gulped. _Goodbye, Seungkwan._

And that was how the lonely boy with the golden hair disappeared into the dark night, leaving only his heart behind– hoping someone would take good care of it as he could no longer.

* * *

Seungkwan stood in the kitchen, his arms hanging down weak and light, and his legs omitting a coldness that was slowly crawling up his body, taking hold of his heart. Aunt Chwe was gone. Vernon was gone.

Seungkwan feared he would never feel good again, never full, never warm. He stood in the dark like that, small, hollow, hopeless. The roses he’d put into a vase lay burst and shattered over the floor like broken dishes. The chair Vernon’d sat on each morning lay next to it– his knees nearly buckled as the memory of his friend cracked open inside him. The table was still set for someone to eat.

“Vernon?” Seungkwan called softly. He felt as though he hadn’t used his voice in years. “Auntie?”

He knew they were gone. He’d waited all morning, all afternoon– now it was almost evening. Seungkwan stepped out of their house– now no one’s house– feet bare, his black hair spilling over his forehead like a curious shadow.

He stared at the shore, the cold autumn water and his friend stood there, his beautiful golden hair straggled and grey, his clothes torn and tattered. Seungkwan lay down on the cold floor of the street and felt Vernon creeping into the crook of his neck, near his ear, where the blood flowed so close to the skin, where warmth stayed when it was gone from everywhere else.

Vernon kissed him there and held his arms wide to embrace the whole of Seungkwan.

“Where were you?” Seungkwan whispered. “Where did you go?“

And then he vanished, arms outspread, melting away like vapor. Of course, not real. Of course, just an illusion, a dream, a ghost. Seungkwan’s eyes flattered close.

* * *

The first few weeks at Seokmin’s place, Seungkwan did not talk, barely ate and only came out of bed to go to toilet and nip on some bread. His body was weak, but his mind was weaker.

Still, Seokmin stayed patient with him. He made sure he ate at least one meal a day, brushed his hair when it was a mess, held him when he couldn’t stop crying, and most importantly– gave him space.

His parents asked questions, and his sister once walked into his room without knocking, wanting to see the heartbroken boy for herself. Still, Seungkwan couldn’t hold it against them. They weren’t as kind as Seokmin was – because who in the world was, really – but they gave their best to make Seungkwan feel at home.

They offered him food, a roof over his head, a cozy bed to press his swollen face into– and Seungkwan really appreciated that. They were the reason why he managed to pull himself together one day, forcing himself to go downstairs and social. Have breakfast together, and lunch, and dinner. Listen to Seokmin’s dad talk about the War, and the Ministry. Laugh half-heartedly at his sisters’ jokes.

At least he could do that. Was strong enough for it.

One evening, Seokmin cuddled up to him in bed, just embracing Seungkwan who was comfortably hidden underneath two soft blankets. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mhm,” Seungkwan sighed, rubbing his nose on the nice fabric of his pillow. “What is it?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why exactly did you tell the Ministry to send you here?”

Seungkwan blinked. He turned, gazing at his friend in confusion. “Well, where else would I go? You’re my family.”

“But your parents are your family.”

“I mean, yeah,” Seungkwan shrugged. “But I can’t put them in danger. So you were the next person that came to mind.”

He could practically watch Seokmin’s eyes water and turn slightly red. Gosh, his friend was a menace. Seungkwan loved him. “Don’t get all sobby on me, will you?” he said, a light smile tugging at his lips.

Seokmin started fake-crying in a very convincing manner – so convincing even, that Seungkwan couldn’t be sure if he wasn’t crying for real – and pressed his face into the pillow, placing one foot around Seungkwan. “You’re my family tooooo,” he cried, moving back and forth, rocking Seungkwan with him.

And that was how Seungkwan ended up laughing for the first time in 3 weeks. A genuinely laugh, mind you. It brought parts of him back to life, and with it his willfull nature.

“We ought to do something about it,” he told Seokmin over their Dark Arts homework. Seokmin’s parent had insisted they would continue their education, with or without Hogwarts. They gave them homework, taught them new potions, and practiced difficult spells– just the history lessons were skipped. Thankfully, they seemed to be as uninterested in it as the boys were.

“What do you suggest?” Seokmin asked, biting down on the end of his pen. Seungkwan slapped his hand away. “Disgusting, Seok!”

Then, he leaned his head to the side, thinking. “I don’t know. There must be a spell or something to find missing people in one of your parent’s books, don’t you think?”

Seokmin looked unsure. “I guess so.”

Seungkwan nodded. One of those 400 books ought to contain some useful information. And so, they searched and searched, working themselves through around fifty heavy tomes until Seungkwan’s eyes light up in delight.

“Here, Seokmin, I found something!”

Seokmin looked up from his book, face resting in his palm. “Hm?” he hummed, clearly half-asleep.

Seungkwan rolled his eyes and leaned over the special passage. He read out, “ _If one’s soul is connected to the other’s soul by the means of love, this thread of love can be made visible to the beholder’s eye. One then only has to follow this string which will lead them to the desired person.”_

He looked up, expectantly glancing at his friend. Seokmin seemed barely convinced. “That sounds. . . interesting.”

“You don’t think it could work?”

Seokmin shrugged. “It might. We could try it, if you want. I’m just afraid it will get your hopes up.” His eyes became dark, and Seungkwan realized what was troubling his friend.

“If it doesn’t work out, I’ll survive it.”

“Will you?” Seokmin raised a brow.

Seungkwan nodded, determined. There was nothing in the world that could stop him from doing this. “Plus, if the red string of love doesn’t show up, I know I can stop searching for him.”

It was sad but it was the truth. No string if Vernon was dead. Seokmin agreed, probably because he knew Seungkwan was too stubborn to be stopped. Better he had a friend by his side if things went wrong.

* * *

Vernon put on his colorless hood and dragged his wand out from under his pillow. _How many people will I bring death with this,_ he thought, and stumbled out onto the icy length of the Riddle Street. A pack of men in black hoods ran by, their boots stamping shapes in the light snow like ellipses. Vernon stared at their tracks mutely. It was not time for winter yet, and this place seemed almost haunted with coldness, as if the Lord had brought it upon them.

“Hey, kiddo!” cried one of the men, his wand bright green in the dull darkness. “Can you fight?”

Vernon stirred and met his eye. The death eater gestured at the beautiful red oak wand in Vernon’s hands. “Well?” he demanded.

“Yes,” Vernon said finally, and his breath broke into pieces, carried off by the wind.

* * *

They strode down a long, thin road. The eternal twilight of summer nights in the country splashed gold and rose onto the street.

“Are you tried?”

Seokmin kicked the dirt. “I’m bored with walking between shitty buildings while we both know he’s not here.”

Seungkwan rubbed his temples, a place he had given over to Seokmin, the place that hurt whenever the boy complained. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.“

Seokmin stopped in the middle of the road. He looked exhausted to the bones. Angry too. They were best friends since the beginning of times but Seungkwan knew, Seokmin could be pushed over an edge. They’d had unpretty fights before.

“What?” he challenged his friend, knowing better but ignoring the reasonable voice inside of his head telling him to shut up.

“You know this is insane.”

Seungkwan shrugged. “So what? People do insane things for love.” He regretted saying it the moment the words passed his lips.

Seokmin groaned, turning around. “Whatever,” he muttered under his breath.

“Just walk,” Seungkwan ordered. He was beyond exhausted himself, but it would have to take a lot more to make him stop searching for Vernon.

He fixated the red string in front of him– the string of love, that’s how the book had called it. He followed the string with his eyes, forward, off into the east, where it was threading a path between stunted trees and dried-up vines. They’d already come a long way; they had been faster on their brooms but had to opt for walking instead after their accidental collision with a birch tree during one of their arguments.

Seungkwan’s heart ached at the thought of his destroyed boom. _I’m sorry, Bookeu. I will get you fixed up once I’m done with this._

Like this they continued to travel across England, the string pulling Seungkwan forward like a puppet. And he knew they were getting closer, that Vernon couldn’t be far. Seokmin insisted they made stops to rest, sleep and feed themselves, no matter how much Seungkwan didn’t care, didn’t even want to stop walking for a mere second.

Sometime in November they passed through a tangle of underbrush: snarls of blackberry, broken branches, ferns like old oars. Seungkwan sweated under his warm sweater as he tugged at the branches and grasses. Beyond them, a village sprawled out before Seungkwan.

Not much of a village, but then, none of them Wizard villages – towns in which muggles and wizards lived alike— were much of anything. Not Appleby, Godric’s Hollow, Puddlemere or whatever this miserable place was called. A broad road ran down the middle of it, dividing one row of houses from the other. The death eaters were traveling around, spreading fear, destroying much of these places.

Seungkwan saw a tavern—there was always a tavern. A butcher’s shop, a dressmaker. The road seemed to lead to a fairly large building in the distance, painted black, half ruined by storm and years. The string was leading them right to it.

Seungkwan hurried his steps, making his way up the little hill to the house at the end of it.

“Hey,” Seokmin called out behind him. “Where are you going?”

“It’s here!” Seungkwan called back, not even looking back at his friend. _He was here!_

He didn’t see the fear on his friend’s face, or the street name that read Riddle Street. He came to a halt in front of the building’s door, watching the red yarn finally spooling itself out. The frayed end lay at his feet.

With a shaking hand, Seungkwan knocked on the door, causing it to slowly fall open.

 _Not locked?_ He frowned. _Weird._

The house stood empty, tables and chairs collecting a custom of dust. The kitchen door creaked, and a fat, hunchbacked man emerged. His face looked more like that of a rat than a human. He wore a bloody leather apron, streaks of blood crisscrossing themselves. His filthy hair was pulled back into a savagely tight chignon.

He looked directly at Seungkwan, his eyes twinkling as if anticipating some particular amusement. “What are you here for boy?”

Seungkwan took a step back. He did not trust the man-rat, and he had no will to argue with him. He knew Vernon was here, upstairs– that’s what his heart told him. “Nothing,” he said curtsey.

He stepped towards the staircase, but the fat rat-man jumped in his way. “Wait, mister,” he laughed. “You mustn’t go up–“

Seungkwan pushed him to the side, and the man flinched before Seungkwan could even touch him, protecting his face behind his disgusting hands. Seungkwan couldn’t bear the sight of them, long yellow rat nails and all.

“I’m sorry, mister,” the thing whined, and Seungkwan couldn’t help but grimace in disgust. Just yikes.

He left the weird man to himself, running upstairs. A door at the end of the hallway awaited him, half-opened like a venus Seungkwan-trap, ready to snap shut at any given moment.

The door softly clicked open. Seungkwan’s shoes didn’t make any noise as he entered. There on the bed at the end of the room sat his friend. Seungkwan didn’t say anything, just looked at Vernon. And Vernon looked back, covered in dried blood, tired.

“Vernon!” Seungkwan teared up. “I’ve been looking for you for months.”

Everything inside of Seungkwan screamed at him to leap into his friend’s arms, to bury his nose where Vernon’s throat met his shoulders. His body shook in anticipation of smelling, _feeling_ Vernon again. But something was off.

The way Vernon was looking at him, so dull, so empty, so … what? As if he wasn’t even happy to see Seungkwan. Like he felt like crying. Seungkwan had never seen Vernon like this before. It scared him.

“What. . . What’s wrong?” he asked, voice shaky and high.

Vernon merely smiled. It didn’t reach it eyes. No, it did. His gaze was just as bittersweet as his smile. It hurt Seungkwan more than a slap in the face could’ve.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” he asked, a mere whisper.

Vernon shook his head, slowly. Didn’t let his eyes drop though, kept his gaze stead on Seungkwan like he knew he wouldn’t get to relish that slight in a long time. Like Seungkwan was the one to disappear.

Seungkwan’s lower lip wobbled. He made a sad attempt at a step forward, fists clenched at his sides. “Excuse me? Did I do something wrong?” His throat was squeezing shut painfully, and there was something sitting there, too big for him to swallow.

“You’re perfect, Seungkwannie,” Vernon said, and Seungkwan noticed his eyes were all read, and that his nose was running (he wiped at it a moment later). Why was he crying? Seungkwan could not understand it. This was supposed to be a happy reunion, not a funeral.

Then, Seungkwan came to understand. His gaze followed Vernon’s right arm which went to push up his shirt, exposing the skin of his inner left arm. Seungkwan sucked in breath, “What?”

There on his best friends’ arm, on Vernon’s arm, was the sign of the one that shall not be named. The Dark Mark could only mean one thing: Vernon was a death eater.

“When?” Seungkwan’s feet almost gave in. His word was spinning around him, at the same time everything stood way too still.

Vernon shook his head, eyes finally leaving Seungkwan’s face. Had he wanted to see Seungkwan’s reaction to his tattoo? Had he expected something else? Seungkwan wasn’t sure.

“Auntie is dead,” he stated, but his voice was hoarse, and a tear dropped from his eyes. “Am part of them now.”

Seungkwan shook his head. “No, you aren’t.”

“Are you stupid?” Vernon’s chest heaved with each breath. He was shaking with what seemed to be anger, and the tears just came flooding down now. “Do I have to show you my mark again?”

Almost violently, he pushed up his shirt once more, forcing Seungkwan to accept the reality of things.

Seungkwan whimpered, taking a step back. “Stop it,” he begged, not knowing or understanding what he was saying, feeling– Vernon, his Vernon, he was a–

“No!” Seungkwan almost screamed it, so much pain and rage had mixed inside of his heart. He grabbed Vernon’s hand, tried to pull the boy up. “We’re leaving,” he sobbed. “I’m bringing you home and we will–“

Vernon shook him off. “Go, Seungkwan,” he urged.

“No, not without you!” Finally, Seungkawn managed to get Vernon to his feet, only to be pushed back to the door.

“Go, I said!”

Vernon’s voice rang through the room. His eyes were furious, his face a mess of tears. Seungkwan shook his head, not willing to give in. If it was up to him, he could forgive Vernon. They could find a place, at the end of the world, where they could be together. They could pretend.

Vernon seemed to be pushed to his limits. “I don’t want you here,” he snapped. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

As his words echoed through Seungkwan, all pain and rage left his tiny body. Everything became numb; even his heart seemed to cease beating for a moment. He looked at Vernon and suddenly felt so tired, so awfully tired and worn, and so raw as a wound at once.

 _Let it be over,_ he pleaded within himself. _Let it never have happened—any of it. Let me be a kid again, and the story just starting._

Vernon took a step back. His winds have calmed, Seungkwan could tell. “Please go,” he said, and this time, Seungkwan listened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to the gc that helped with keeping me afloat


	6. September 1997

Seungkwan suprised Seokmin when he didn’t throw a big fit when the Lee’s decided to move out and join Dumbledore’s Army. Seungkwan didn’t tell him that he secretly was happy with it because, although he was scared of the war and whatever was waiting for them in the near future, he was also very sick of all the secrecy.

If this was the only way he’d understand Vernon and his world, he wouldn’t hesitate to leave his old life behind. Besides, the war was real and even if Seungkwan would wanted to– he couldn’t hide from what was happening in the world; people dying left and right, whole families disappearing, and muggle houses burned down to the ground.

The big surprise was that Dumbledore’s Army wasn’t really an army– it was a bunch of wizard families that had survived, a handful of kids, and an ugly (and very rude) house elf. Instead of fighting back, they were hiding at 12 Grimmauld Place in London, an old family house.

Seungkwan loathed the house; he hated its unnecessarily expensive furniture that screamed of nonchalant wealth, of old money and ostentation. He hated the whispers and stares, the house elf, and the rules, but more than anyone else he hated not seeing Vernon, who’d turned to the darkness.

The second big surprise was that the secret organization wasn’t even called Dumbledore’s Army but the Order of the Phoenix; even about the name, Vernon had lied. Always hiding things from Seungkwan, always shielding him from the truth. Dumbeldore's Army had existed, yet, for a brief time only though. A secret club so to speak for the rebellious Hogwarts students who wanted to learn more about Dark Arts. Hoshi had been a part of them, and he'd probably given Seungkwan that name only in order to shield him from the truth and dangers that came with knowing the truth. 

But Vernon? Seungkwan wasn't sure.

The adults said he was a death eater, a bad guy, a monster- and Seungkwan should stop pondering about his motivations. Naturally, they must have been dark and evil. But Seungkwan couldn’t help thinking that maybe, just maybe, Vernon had different reasons.

Maybe he just wanted to protect him, knowing if a wizard had used a spell on him and he would’ve been forced to reveal everything he knew, all he would have been able to tell was that he’d heard about Dumbledore’s Army. Useless information, harmless to possess– it might have saved his life.

But of course, Seungkwan kept that to himself, nothing but a mere private thought he entertained at night when he felt lonely in his cold bed, remembering old days, remembering how Vernon loved to snuggle close to him, how his breathing would sometimes get so labored that it drove Seungkwan nuts and he pushed Vernon off, scolding him.

Now he missed those sleepless nights, Vernon’s stupid sweaty body, his heat, his hair that was somehow always long enough to tickle Seungkwan’s face.

The others just couldn’t understand; they hated death eaters so much, having lost family members and dear friends at their hands. And Seungkwan got that, but he couldn’t just stop loving someone whom he’d been so close to because of a tattoo. Everyone expected that Seungkwan’s feelings, their connection, their memories and past had dissolved to fine dust that the moment Vernon turned a death eater.

No, Seungkwan's feelings were still the same. Just that there was a huge hole of emptiness by his side now were previously Vernon had been, laughing about all his dumb jokes, calling him out when he was being childish, comforting him when things got all too much, always so close yet so far.

He was not fine. He was not over it. And in a way, he felt everyone knew. And that’s why he was excluded from important conversation, why the adults began to whisper when he passed by, why he felt like an outsider.

Seungkwan felt like a terrible petulant child, every emotion tender and raw and easy to read on his face, rippling in and out of sight, all his grief and anger and anxiety taking turns there, on his cheeks, eyes, the tilt of his mouth, for everyone see.

In dreams he tried to grab for things he wanted – Vernon, Vernon and always Vernon – and cried out of angry frustration when he couldn’t take hold, gulping for air. It scared him all so much sometimes that he wished his mother was there, cradling his head in her lap, whispering nonsense about cicadas and the lazy husband.

A part of Seungkwan also loved to sulk, to be hurt. It was oddly comforting to hurt; he tried his best to be tortured, hoping that Vernon would come to him in the night and let him lean up against him for a while like a restful dream. He imagined that Vernon could hear him when he was lying in bed crying at the logical end of his desperation; he thought if he’d only hurt badly enough Vernon would help.

But Vernon didn’t hear, didn’t notice– of course. Seungkwan was acting out of line. And Vernon didn’t even know.

It surprised him when Seokmin pulled him out of bed one morning – wait, it was already past 2pm– saying he needed Seungkwan to help him with something. Secretly, Seungkwan suspected his friend didn’t really need him but just wanted some company. He let himself get dragged out of the house though, because he hated the house and why the hell not, at least Seokmin trusted him enough to tell him about his secret task.

It turned out to be just boring errands and Seungkwan almost fell asleep as he stood in the dark little wizard shop, waiting for his friend to get whatever he needed. And then Seungkwan saw him.

Standing somewhat hidden by a bunch of books and potion stuff (and other weird stuff that Seungkwan couldn’t identify), he stood, staring at an aquarium, possibly fascinated by the big, pink octopus who sat there inside, staring back at him.

Seungkwan felt really close to having a panic attack.

Shocked to his bones, he took his friend in. His hair was still golden, but somehow appeared to be duller, like it had lost some of its life, not unlike a wilting flower. He was wearing a black cloak– the color was a tad faded, the fabric stained– but around his neck shone brightly the little ring of green glass that Seungkwan had given him what now felt like years ago.

The sight of that little ring dangling around Vernon’s neck made Seungkwan’s heart skip a beat. Made his insides heat up, brought some color to his cheeks, blood rush into his fingers, his legs.

He walked over, almost tripping over his own two feet.

Vernon jumped, startled, when Seungkwan touched him, a simple touch on his shoulder.

“It’s me, ok? It’s me.”

Now that Vernon looked at him, he seemed gaunt. Pale. There were dark circles under his eyes. It took him a minute to recover, Seungkwan noticed (and he was surprised too, because Vernon was all smiles or pure pokerface– no in between. Never like this.)

Seungkwan gave him his time and waited until Vernon cleared his throat and said, “Hi.”

“Hi,” he said back. A long pause.

Seungkwan winced, tired of waiting for Vernon to process what was happening. In the end, he gave into his cravings and raised his hand to his old friend’s cheek, slowly and carefully caressing it. Vernon didn’t flinch at the touch. 

He stared. At Seungkwan’s nervous hand, at his throat, the way Seungkwan gulped down the courage to say something but in the end didn’t.

Seungkwan takes his hand back, places it back to his side where it now belonged– it was so easy to forget that, so easy to fall back into old patterns, habits. Had he not been spoiled with the ability to always reach out and ruffle Vernon’s hair, play with his ears, hug him close and hold his hand whenever he had felt like it.

“This place smells funny,” he said, in a little voice. Vernon scoffed.

“It smells like shit, you mean.”

Always so charming, Vernon Chwe.

“I didn’t say it, you did. I wanted to say evil.”

“What are you doing here?” Vernon asked, trying to keep his voice straight and failing. Seungkwan noticed, and he faltered a little. (It has only been a few months, Vernon could still read his face.) 

“Running errands. You?”

Vernon gave a twitch with his shoulder, barely there. Eyes seemingly boring into Seungkwan’s soul, almost like he was trying to embrace him through his gaze, like he searched for intimacy there because he couldn’t physically.

“Won’t tell me, huh?” Seungkwan challenged. He crossed his arms and furrowed his brow, “Sounds familiar.”

Vernon laughed, empty and caustic and forced. And sad and sharp, like Seungkwan often felt.

Seungkwan didn’t let him answer. It was as if Vernon’s secrecy had triggered something inside him, like he had set fire to a room covered in gasoline, and Seungkwan was burning– yes, now he was all fire, hot and dominating and radiating, but later, he knew, he would evaporate, all left of him cold, dusty ash.

“You are so predictable. Are you going to tell me you missed me or are we still going through the denial phase?”

And back on was Vernon’s poker face. Old, familiar nothingness on his face, unreadable even for Seungkwan. He didn’t reply.

Seungkwan puffed his cheeks. “I missed you a lot. See? It’s easy, you can say it too. I missed you.”

Vernon looked alive then. He still didn’t answer though, but Seungkwan could answer for him.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Language,” Vernon said. Seungkwan didn’t apologize. The moment lasted for a few minutes of stubborn frowning on Seungkwan’s part and intense staring on Vernon’s part.

He stared at Seungkwan’s bare face, at the little blemishes, at Seungkwan’s grimace – He stared like he was aware that Seungkwan knew he was staring and didn’t care.

“Why are you so selfish?”

That got Seungkwan an reaction out of Vernon. Finally. a bomb exploded behind his eyes, and it was reassuring to know that he was on fire too, that he’d been drowning in gasoline too, that he felt something, that he wasn’t indifferent to what was going on.

“Me?” His voice cracked, higher now. He shook his head, face tense, fists balled. His legs were shaking, Seungkwan noticed. He took a tentative step back and almost ended up tripping on a small table.

“Ok,” Vernon said, gritting his teeth, pushing his nails so hard into his palms they almost drew blood. “I’m selfish sure. Ok, come on.” He grabbed Seungkwan’s elbow, roughly, pushing him towards the door of the shop. He opened it and threw him outside. “It was nice seeing you, Seungkwan. It’s a pity you can’t stay any longer.”

Seungkwan smirked, tears in his eyes. He won and he lost and he felt so sad but he still he kept up the façade.

“Goodbye, Vernon.”

Vernon slammed the door in his face. He left Seungkwan standing there, alone, lips pursed and limbs shaking from the cold– or something else, Seungkwan wasn’t sure right now. He could barely think straight. He was so mad, he wanted to scream but he knew he couldn’t because that would attract unrequited attention.

He could see Vernon’s figure through the glass door– blurred, but it was enough for Seungkwan to notice that Vernon was fighting with himself. He was wavering– looking at the door and away.

Seungkwan turned his back to the blurry sight of his old friend, teary-eyed and frustrated. He heard the click of the door opening a tad too late, his brain making sense of it not until someone grabbed him by the arm.

His lips were already parted, ready for Vernon, but he still tensed when Vernon kissed him. He froze for a moment only to kiss back immediately, enthusiastic and clumsy and like he had been waiting for this for the longest time. They both had.

He felt Vernon’s hand coming up to cup his neck, his grip tight on his hair a moment after, now slightly pulling– and Seungkwan leaned up, biting and sucking on Vernon’s lips, thinking he didn’t say the things he felt enough– he never said he loved Vernon, and he never said he wanted to try this… whatever it was. But he kissed Vernon and sighed into the kiss and stepped closer.

Almost like that could make up for all the unsaid things between them.

After a moment of nose brushing, lip biting, tongue gliding, Vernon broke them apart, taking a few deep breaths. He whispered into Seungkwan’s hair, “Maybe I am selfish like you say.”

Seungkwan lifted his head slightly as to look him into the face. Vernon’s eyes were full of tears, but they did not fall, they were hard, harder than anything he had within him. Sharp and dark, reflected into crystal. Seungkwan shook his head.

“Not selfish enough,” he muttered, leaning up once more to catch Vernon’s lips with his own. When Vernon pulled back, Seungkwan sighed, and took his face in his hands and now Vernon’s eyes were so big, so gentle and sorry; Seungkwan kissed him like a sweetheart.

“You’re not very good at being a bad guy, do you know that?” he whispered against Vernon’s bitten lips when they both drew back to catch another breath, and Vernon had the audacity to smirk, and rub his nose slighty against Seungkwan’s as he said with his deep, hoarse voice, “You don’t know about the things I do when you’re not around.”

Seungkwan drew back a little, unconsciously pouting. “Like what?”

Vernon laughed quietly and his eyes drew back to the shop, almost anxiously looking out for something or someone. Like Seungkwan had reminded him of it. “This is not a good place for you. You should leave.”

“Can take care of myself, Vernon,” Seungkwan said, now ice-cold, pulling back completely.

“Don’t be stubborn. You know what I mean.”

“Actually, I don’t,” Seungkwan retorted. “I’m here with Seokmin. He’s got all the details.”

Vernon’s face was blank.

“They don’t trust me either,” Seungkwan explained, watching the guilt creep into Vernon’s face. He didn’t like to see his old friend like that but a part of him enjoyed it a bit, seeing that Vernon regretted hurting him, doing him wrong. It felt fair.

“Alright, I’ll tell you something that I otherwise wouldn’t,” Vernon said, suddenly all nervous and innocent. “To win back your trust or whatever.”

Seungkwan pushed out his jaw. “Go for it.”

“You know since…” Vernon pointed vaguely at his arm, waiting until Seungkwan nodded to show he understood, “I was afraid of meeting you.”

Seungkwan shifted. “Why?”

“I had many reasons.” Vernon touched Seungkwan’s neck, slowly, almost shyly. Seungkwan didn’t push him away. He just scooted a little closer.

“But my biggest fear was seeing you stare at me with disgust. Just the thought of you not looking at me anymore with. . . well, the way you always do, it turns my stomach upside down.”

His lips trembled and he breathed as if there wasn’t enough air in this world for him. Seungkwan wrapped his arms around him, felt him tense and relax and tense again. “Of course, I could never look at you like that,” he said quietly.

“Even if I am a murderer, Seungkwan? Even If I am a freaking death eater.” Vernon spat out the last words as if they were bitter, poisonous.

“I don’t know,” Seungkwan said, leaning his head to the side, exposing more neck to Vernon’s hand, melting under his fingers. “I don’t have all the answers,” he said, low like a whisper. “Just still feel the same for you, that’s all.”

That was when the door opened, and they heard a scream. Vernon only had the time to release Seungkwan’s neck before a very angry looking Seokmin slapped him across the face.

“You,” he said, seemingly ready to fist fight Vernon any second, but Seungkwan was quick to intervene. He grabbed his friend by the biceps and said, “Come, let’s go.”

“But that bastard!” Seokmin protested but Seungkwan shook his head, lips pressed tightly together. Something about his expression stilled Seokmin. “Okay,” he muttered and let himself get dragged towards the alley that Seungkwan guessed should lead them to their home.

“Was he bothering you?”

Seungkwan shook his head, “No, not exactly.”

When he shot a last (long) gaze at the boy he ought to leave behind, Seungkwan noticed the hint of laughter that tucked at the corner of Vernon’s mouth, hidden behind his slightly red cheek.

* * *

It was still dark when Vernon awoke. The room was cast in shadow; the fire had died down in the fireplace, and he could hear two voices argue downstairs. The window in front of the desk had its curtain drawn back, and the moon shone through.

Vernon strode over, his bare feet padding across the dirty, cold wood, and looked out upon the dark village. He could picture Seungkwan walking up this hill, following the long, thin road that led up the house– Vernon had to smile.

Seungkwan’d come all this way just to find him. And Vernon had thought he would reject him, would be angry and tell him that he had no place in Seungkwan’s life anymore.

Although Seungkwan had been angry. Still was, Vernon figured. He cared all the same. Anger was an expression of his deep feelings, of how much he worried, of how much Vernon had hurt him.

_Just still feel the same for you_

How Seungkwan found a way to still like him… still care for him, Vernon didn’t know. But that’s how it always had been between them. Seungkwan always found a way to make him feel appreciated, wanted.

He looked down at his arm. The mark that sat there made his stomach twist and turn. Ever since the ritual, it burned into him– almost like it was talking to him, demanding his devotion to the lord.

But Vernon hadn’t changed. He still felt like _Vernon_. He still _was_ Vernon. He did all these horrible things but felt nothing but remorse, and hatred directed towards himself.

He hated it here. Hated himself. But for Seungkwan he could be a dutiful follower and supporter. For now, anyways. He ought to find a way to protect his friend from the shadows.

Vernon looked at the pages of paper spread across the desk. This was his room, and yet someone had used this desk the day only before. Vernon was hesitant to pry into the Lord’s affairs, yet he let his curiosity determine his actions, and read the first words—it was a note to Bellatrix: ‘Bella, review the following and confirm with signature.’

Lists.

Lists of names, of Vernon’s friends and classmates, of faculty. Some were crossed through. Others had checks next to them, or question marks:

Dino’s name had been struck through.

He had been struck down. Vernon’s eyes scanned the page– there was Hoshi’s name, also struck through. Vernon fought back tears, in memory of the kids he had known for years, and with whom he had shared meals, classes, and a home.

When he found Seungkwan’s name, his eyes adverted automatically. He could not… even think about it. No. He wouldn’t let anyone touch Seungkwan.

Storming downstairs, he almost found himself colliding with Peter Pettigrew, a fat and disgusting guy who acted as the maid-slash-cook of the house. “Oh, pretty boy is up and about,” the guy sneered.

Vernon pushed past him, but a strong finger poked him in the chest before he could reach the door.

“Where are we going?” Bellatrix said, eyeing him up.

Vernon shrugged, nonchalant. “Gonna get some drinks.”

“You are going to the bar dressed like that?” Bellatrix commented, raising a suspicious brow.

Vernon could very well recognize danger when he saw it, but he parted his lips to reply anyway. “How do you want me to go?” 

Bellatrix eyes darkened for a moment but then startled when they heard a sound coming from the living room as if glass shattered against– her finger was removed from his chest and she screamed, “PETER, YOU LITTLE RAT!” before rushing towards the noise.

Vernon didn’t care enough to follow, instead he took the chance to quietly disappear into the night.

* * *

“Oh, so you want to surprise your friend with a gift?” the girl asked, eyes wide, as Vernon leaned towards her standing figure, with the ghost of a smile on his lips. The air too cold for his taste, so the two top buttons of his shirt were unfastened, and the mark on his left arm felt like it was burning a hole into his skin.

“Something like that,” he smiled, poker-face perfectly in place. “It was really all just a big misunderstanding. I just need someone to make him talk to me, that’s all.”

The girl tilted her head, parted her lips, lost in thought, before she spoke. „But how could I help you with that?“

“You know, he always takes out the trash at a certain time in the night.” He took a look at his wrist. “In about five minutes actually. Just go over there,” he pointed at the other side of the street, “and approach him once he comes out.”

“But…”

He shook his head, dark eyebrows drawn together. She seemed to be intimidated. Good. He needed her to be obedient.

“Tell him Vernon is waiting for him. He will follow you.”

The girl nodded and bit her lip, eyes shifting to the drops of dried blood on his cloak. While the blackness hid most of it, parts could still be seen - reddish, dark lines marring the fabric, running down his chest and ghosting over his arms.

“Well, maybe you’re right,” the girl muttered, blushing when he caught her staring.

He hushed her away and watched as she passed the quiet street, her high heels clicking on the concrete. Vernon’s heart rate sped up thinking about his plan; his eyes focused on one of the doors of the building ahead. He couldn’t wait to see Seungkwan again.

Just the thought of his shiny little face, his round cheeks and plump lips– Vernon almost began jumping from one foot to the other. He felt the same kind of old love rush through him, very raw and familiar, like what he remembered of tenderness when he was young– affection that was so often foolish but never in its intensity, its vigor.

Then there was a noise – a rumble – and Vernon noticed the gust of cool air on his forehead. That’s when he saw the figure under the grey hoodie. His eyes lit up. He watched the woman approach, heard her high voice saying something, her breath visible in the cold night air.

Vernon’s suspicions got confirmed when the boy removed his hood to talk to the woman; He could see the side of his face from where he was: pale, pretty, framed by dirty dark hair.

Seungkwan tilted his head and observed the girl for a moment, nose scrunched in concentration, but he finally nodded. She led him across the street, through the cars that stood parked there and finally to him.

Seungkwan stopped in his tracks when his eyes took in Vernon– he stared at him for a moment, then regained his posture. He approached him carefully, and there was no reason to conceal he had been staring, so Vernon kept studying him, amused when Seungkwan’s lower lip raised into a pout.

“Well, aren’t you the one who bumped into me before?” Vernon said, voice teasing, but his friend ignored him. Vernon gestured for the woman to leave, “Thanks for your help.”

“Oh, okay,” she muttered, a tad disappointed. “I thought you would ask for my number?”

Number? Vernon had no idea what the lady was talking about. A glance to Seungkwan’s face brought no explanation either, the boy stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, eyes rolling backwards.

“Uh, sure.” Vernon offered a weak smile. “You can give it to me?”

Seungkwan groaned, stopping with his foot.

The girl, clearly irritated by him, shook her head. “It’s okay. See you someday.” And she was gone.

Vernon’s shoulders relaxed, thinking the hardest part was done. Oh boy, was he wrong.

“What do you want,” Seungkwan snapped. He had the face of a boy and the eyes of a child, but he smiled like the devil. Vernon knew he was on thin ice.

“I just–“

“You’re really stalking me, don’t you?” Seungkwan lifted his chin. “I really can’t believe it. This is so stupid and dangerous, Vernon. The Order probably already knows. I will get scolded so bad–“

“Will you please–“

“…and what if you know who gets one whiff of this? He will kill you. Or do worse, don’t you understand that. Do you ever think–“

Vernon placed both hands on Seungkwan’s waist, pulling him in. Nose to nose, he whispered, “Will you, for the love of god, rant a bit quieter.”

Seungkwan opened his lips to reply but the words froze in his mind. He closed them again, pouting. Vernon tightened his grip on his friend’s waist, “You may continue just not that loud, alright.”

Seungkwan’s expression shifted to something softer, barely a subtle curve on his lips, an all-knowing glint in his eyes. “Okay,” he muttered quietly. He pulled at Vernon’s robe, keeping his hands busy. “It’s no fun if you’re not angry though.”

Vernon didn’t want to have to reply, so he just frowned.

“Why are you here?” Seungkwan asked.

Vernon shrugged. He wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. He wanted some fun first. It was selfish, he knew, but he’d done so many selfless things these days and he was kind of sick of them– besides, he’d basically given up his life for Seungkwan’s safety, he deserved a little bliss.

Just a little.

He leaned in, brushing his nose along Seungkwan’s soft cheeks until he reached his ears and could bite down there— the little giggles that he received from Seungkwan in response were only a plus.

He felt Seungkwan’s arms come around his shoulders; his friend leaned his head where his neck ended, pressing a cold kiss there.

“So you came for this, huh.”

Vernon practically felt the words against his neck, Seungkwan’s voice vibrating through him. His voice was soft, slightly amused.

Vernon was too weak for the boy, and a little too awake now. “I--” he started, then abruptly stopped when one of Seungkwan’s fingers went to his chest. He moved it up and down, slowly, pressing just hard enough for Vernon to feel the tip of his fingernail across the fabric of his clothes.

“Thought you didn’t want me like that. . . anymore,” Seungkwan said.

Seungkwan was so fucking annoying. But he was warm when against Vernon’s chest, and he was speaking at that same moment, and Vernon’s throat had gone dry–

“Did you ever want me like that Vernon? Tell me, I’m curious.”

“I just-I–,” Vernon protested, not able to get a clear thought out, but he pressed a hand on Seungkwan’s chin anyways, pulling him up into a kiss, because his mind was reeling, his heart was hammering in his chest and he did want him. And Seungkwan let him grab him by the waist and went all soft in his arms, so still. Vernon’s heart skipped a beat, and he moved back, just a bit.

Seungkwan was smiling. “Good to know,” he said. His expression shifted, suddenly, into a feral grin, and his hands were in Vernon’s hair, pulling him down and towards him. “But this won’t do, not just like that.”

Vernon’s brain– contaminated with hormones like a teenagers’ would– pulled Seungkwan up, and carried him towards a dark alleyway. He pushed the boy into cold stone there, fingers soon busy with getting him out of his jeans.

“Fuck,” he groaned before finally pulling them over Seungkwan’s jeans. “Why must you always wear the tight ones.”

“Form fitting, darling,” Seungkwan sneered– but his voice broke a second after, and he moaned as Vernon pressed him against the tile wall, one hand busy stroking his member.

“I can’t believe they don’t rip apart because of your big ass,” he whispered against Seungkwan’s ear, hands moving fast, “I never told you, but your body is so sexy. Drives me nuts, Kwannie.”

“You’re disgusting,” Seungkwan whimpered, then keened when the other boy bit his ear lobe. He was bent forward, head resting on Vernon’s shoulder, hips thrusting up into his hands. He could hardly breathe. He was panting, and hard, and Vernon hadn’t even started fucking him yet.

“You,” Vernon started. He swallowed. “Need.”

Seungkwan shuddered, a shaky whimper leaving his lips, “I suppose that can be arranged.” He pushed off Vernon and instead went on to take care of his member, hand stroking Vernon inside his pants, so slow, oh so slow. 

He squeezed, then, and pulled, and Vernon was forced to follow when he took a step back, and turned around, presenting him with the beautiful sight that his ass offered. Vernon couldn’t help but touch them, to place his hands as to lift them up, and he heard Seungkwan laugh–no giggle– and mutter something that his brain couldn’t comprehend.

He watched as Seungkwan pulled him in closer, pressing the red head of his dick between his cheeks. Gosh, it cost all of Vernon’s self-control not to move, not to move like a dog in heat, desperate for friction.

“Fuck, Kwannie. Please hurry.”

Vernon felt a brutal, raw delight when Seungkwan hissed and tensed against him, animalistic, untamed, his hole slowly but deliciously sucking him in.

“Fuck, fuck, Kwan–“ 

Seungkwan arched his back, a clean curve, to kiss him on the mouth and bite his bottom lip. He dragged Vernon down, teeth on delicate skin, and Vernon’s hands grabbed his waist, pressed his dick deeper in.

The moan that this elicited almost him cum on the spot.

“Can I?” Vernon wanted to go on but Seungkwan actually shushed him, and so Vernon kissed back and began moving his hips, thrusting inside with each move, feeling the heat of his friend around him.

It was stupid, trying to convince himself that he hadn’t wanted that, because Seungkwan was already moaning – beautiful high moans – and he was living for the noise, to the point where his pace fastened and his grip on Seungkwan’s hips tightened.

He released his lips for a moment to bite his ear, down his neck, into the soft spot close to his collarbones. He knew what Seungkwan liked even if it was only their second time– Vernon had recalled their – and his – first time a million times, to the point that he was sure he could shoot a movie of Seungkwan’s sweaty beautiful body below him, moaning, twitching– exposing all his secrets to Vernon.

“You like that, huh?” Vernon groaned, pushing in his full length.

“Ah! Fuck,” Seungkwan cursed, trying to punch or grab or whatever Vernon– it was a weak movement, arm bent backwards to reach something behind his back, and Vernon giggled.

He adjusted his hold a bit, moving his right hand up to Seungkwan’s ribs. He liked to just feel the boy, soft and warm skin and Seungkwan, Seungkwan, Seungkwan.

“No one will ever fuck you so good.”

He felt the pressure, already coiling in his guts, he felt the heat as he found the pulse in Seungkwan‘s neck.

“No. One.” With each trust, Vernon felt himself pushing closer to that edge, and Seungkwan’s shaky and sweaty body against his didn’t help– he was far too gone and he whimpered, voice breaking, seeking both friction and release. 

When he came back to reality, he pulled out, watching his cum drip down Seungkwan’s butt, his legs and down to the ground below. He felt a bit sorry to have caused such a mess but when Seungkwan turned and Vernon was able to catch a glance at the cum-stained wall behind him, he laughed.

“That was intense,” Seungkwan muttered, dragging an arm across his sweaty forhead. He shook his head and tries to rearrange his fringe, dick and all still out.

Vernon snorted. He helped Seungkwan into his skinny jeans, really wondering how his enormous butt managed to fit into it– but hey, he wasn’t one to question the physics as long as he was able to benefit from it.

When they both emerged from the alley way, their clothes sat a bit messily, their breathing was still laboured, and Vernon felt his clothes cling to his sweaty skin. “That didn’t go as planned,” he mumbled, eying up his friend.

Seungkwan was still toying with his fringe and he had bruises on his neck, fresh ones that were still bright red. “Things never do with us.”

Vernon laughed airily, looking to the ground. He kicked an empty soda bottle out of the way, and then took a few septs towards the bushes. He needed that space between them, even if it was just a few meters. He couldn’t talk to Seungkwan seriously and then disappear like the god damn liar that he was, not unless there was some space between them, not just physically.

“Seungkwan.”

The boy immediately stilled, noticing his changed demeanor, the coldness of his voice. “What?” he frowned.

Vernon looked to the side. Fuck, this was even harder than the previous times. “There’s uhm, something I gotta tell you.”

Seungkwan raised a single brow, slowly. He crossed his arms and gave him a challenging look. Vernon’s heart squeezed in his chest because he knew what would happen next.

“Go on.”

“I have a few… papers for you guys.” He pulled them out from his coat. “I’m not sure how much is true, but these are private notes of the death eaters that I work with.”

Seungkwan’s arms dropped. “And you’re giving them to me?”

“Yeah,I-“

Seungkwan held up his hand, defensive. But also like he needed a moment to process what he’d just heard. Vernon looked to the ground, then to the dark night sky, then back to Seungkwan. God, he felt awful. He wished he could just say something he really wanted– about the way he felt for Seungkwan, how much the boy meant to him, that he was doing all of this just to protect him, but instead he watched the light in Seungkwan’s pretty blue eyes die.

“I’m the delievery boy, aren’t I?” he laughed. It sounded hollow.

“Seungkwan…”

“No, it’s okay. I get it!” Seungkwan’s smile turned sour. He snatched the papers out of Vernon’s grip, and made a small bow. “Pleased to meet you, sir. I will kindly give this to the Order.”

“Kwannie–“

But Seungkwan had already turned around and was four steps onto the street, determined to leave his sorry ass behind without another word, and honestly, Vernon felt like he deserved it. If any other guy would have treated Seungkwan the way he did… oh boy, that guy would not live another day to talk about it.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, knowing that his friend couldn’t hear him. Then he disappeared into the bushes.

Leaving nothing behind but his beating heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never tried myself at writing something that takes place in the Harry Potter Universe, and I'm a bit curious how people will react to this. Hope you like it! ^^


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